Well… I did it again.
I put my trust in someone and opened up to them. I got to know them and vice versa. I thought they were different and they wouldn’t leave and give up on me like most people in my life do. They were different at first. This person always made sure to say hello to me whenever we would see each other and give me a hug. It was nice having a friend who would always make sure to say hello no matter what. But today was different. No hello. No hug. Maybe I’m looking at this a wrong way, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. Well this is the first time with this person, but the feeling is familiar.
I was, well I still am, friends with this guy. He was like my brother. We would watch the same TV shows and we would talk during class. I opened up to my friend, about that guy I always talk about and how I’m trying to get over said person. I still can’t believe I told him about that. I always open up too fast to people. So now I told my friend one of my secrets and one of the hardest things I’m going through in life, so I thought the friendship was set. But, suddenly he started talking to other people and he wouldn’t talk to me everyday. I was lucky enough if I got a simple hello. I actually put my trust in someone and opened up to them and he pretty much gave up on me. We still text but all he does is K me all the time. He doesn’t even try anymore.
I try not to try with the people who hurt me. But I’ll always be there for people no matter what they do to me. I’ll always forgive them. And they’ll always hurt me. I always have hope in people, that they won’t hurt me, but that hope always comes crashing down. I’d like to give up that hope. But I don’t think it’ll ever go away. Hope is very deceiving. Hope is something that I’m still trying to figure out, but not straying away from the main topic. I think the only reason that I open up to people is because I don’t have anything else to say but open up. I thought telling people my secrets would strengthen the friendship, in a way. But it doesn’t. It just makes me kind of vulnerable, and makes me feel sad because in the end they give up. For no reason whatsoever. But, in someway the familiarity of this hurt makes it easier to learn from mistakes. Secrets are not bios, I have to learn that. If the person does in fact give up, there’s a reason. There’s a reason they’re not in your life anymore. It’s not understandable now, but maybe it’ll make sense later.