Strong.

I just thought I should write a post about this, because I feel really strong and grown.

So you know that guy I always talk about? I talk about him so much that I should probably give him like an anonymous title or something. Maybe. But for now I’ll just call him “that guy I always talk about.” Maybe you guys wonder why I always talk about him. I mean all he was was just a crush. But he was different, he wasn’t like any guy I’ve ever met in my life. Maybe I’ll tell you guys the story of why I started liking him, if you’re interested. Possibly you thought that this post was going to be about why I started liking him, but nope, it’s not. The complete opposite. If I ever do write a blog post in the future of why I started liking him, think of it as a story read from the end to the beginning. Because I’ve been talking about getting over him.

Well I feel the need to share that I was given the chance to test the strength of my getting over him power a few days ago. So our church was having this potluck thing and there was so many people that I had to sit in a chair by the wall eating my food. I’m just pointing out that there were a lot of people that it would be a miracle if I even saw a glimpse of him. But trust me, I didn’t want to see him. As my mom and I were leaving one of my friends were holding the door for me. And the building had 2 doors on either side But there was like a mini wall between the two doors. So you couldn’t really see the people exiting the other door unless they walked like 1 or 2 feet forward. Sorry if that was confusing. And I was just casually talking to my friend then I left and as I turned I saw a human figure. Then I saw a face. Please take a wild guess who it was. Yep, you got it right. Out of all the people that could exit the building. Out of all the times where I could walk out 2 minutes earlier, or him 4 minutes later. Out of all the possibilities. He was standing right there. And I didn’t notice him until I turned around and walked a little bit and was 2 feet close to him. I looked up and saw his face to make sure that it was him, and thank goodness he wasn’t looking at me… yet. (We were 2 feet away, so yeah he cursedly saw me) And it’s a curse that I was smiling a bit, but not because of him. Because of the friend I was talking to earlier. So I quickly tuned my eyes away from his face. We were so close that if I smiled or said anything he could reciprocate. But I didn’t want to do anything. Because I didn’t come all this way to just give in. So I did the most sensible and plausible thing. I walked away. I walked away.. and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more beautiful and confident. I felt awesome. I felt strong. So strong.

It’s funny, last year at this time I was so head over heels for him and now I just don’t care. I grew strong. I’m so proud of myself, because I never thought that I could reach this point. I was in my lowest concerning him and now I’m willingly walking away from him when I was given the chance to do something. But something is really creeping me out… The fact that we were just exiting the building at the same time? I just don’t understand that and to be honest this coincidence is giving me the creeps. Coincidences do that.. Anyway, this made me realize something. I don’t need his hello or his hug. I have people who don’t break me each time they leave. And people who make my broken pieces come together with a reciprocated hug. And I don’t need him. Sure he was special and different at some point. I’m not sure if I’m completely over him but I have a bunch of strength. Maybe I’ll meet someone who will be special and stay.  Someday. I’m just really happy and in a good place right now. I don’t think I need a guy right now. I just need to find myself. And I have never felt more free and happy. Let’s not forget strong.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Strong.

  1. I’m happy for you! that takes a lot of strength, the strength that I’m looking forward to having one day, and it probably felt really good! good for you:) that’s a good step in the right direction, in my opinion

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much 🙂 it’s so nice getting a comment from you. We’re like blog buddies now lol. Trust me you’ll be given the opportunity to have that strength one day and it’ll make you feel so empowering. The opportunity will come when you’re ready, just look out for it.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s