I just thought I should write a post about this, because I feel really strong and grown.
So you know that guy I always talk about? I talk about him so much that I should probably give him like an anonymous title or something. Maybe. But for now I’ll just call him “that guy I always talk about.” Maybe you guys wonder why I always talk about him. I mean all he was was just a crush. But he was different, he wasn’t like any guy I’ve ever met in my life. Maybe I’ll tell you guys the story of why I started liking him, if you’re interested. Possibly you thought that this post was going to be about why I started liking him, but nope, it’s not. The complete opposite. If I ever do write a blog post in the future of why I started liking him, think of it as a story read from the end to the beginning. Because I’ve been talking about getting over him.
Well I feel the need to share that I was given the chance to test the strength of my getting over him power a few days ago. So our church was having this potluck thing and there was so many people that I had to sit in a chair by the wall eating my food. I’m just pointing out that there were a lot of people that it would be a miracle if I even saw a glimpse of him. But trust me, I didn’t want to see him. As my mom and I were leaving one of my friends were holding the door for me. And the building had 2 doors on either side But there was like a mini wall between the two doors. So you couldn’t really see the people exiting the other door unless they walked like 1 or 2 feet forward.
Sorry if that was confusing. And I was just casually talking to my friend then I left and as I turned I saw a human figure. Then I saw a face. Please take a wild guess who it was. Yep, you got it right. Out of all the people that could exit the building. Out of all the times where I could walk out 2 minutes earlier, or him 4 minutes later. Out of all the possibilities. He was standing right there. And I didn’t notice him until I turned around and walked a little bit and was 2 feet close to him. I looked up and saw his face to make sure that it was him, and thank goodness he wasn’t looking at me… yet. (We were 2 feet away, so yeah he cursedly saw me) And it’s a curse that I was smiling a bit, but not because of him. Because of the friend I was talking to earlier. So I quickly tuned my eyes away from his face. We were so close that if I smiled or said anything he could reciprocate. But I didn’t want to do anything. Because I didn’t come all this way to just give in. So I did the most sensible and plausible thing. I walked away. I walked away.. and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more beautiful and confident. I felt awesome. I felt strong. So strong.
It’s funny, last year at this time I was so head over heels for him and now I just don’t care. I grew strong. I’m so proud of myself, because I never thought that I could reach this point. I was in my lowest concerning him and now I’m willingly walking away from him when I was given the chance to do something. But something is really creeping me out… The fact that we were just exiting the building at the same time? I just don’t understand that and to be honest this coincidence is giving me the creeps. Coincidences do that.. Anyway, this made me realize something. I don’t need his hello or his hug. I have people who don’t break me each time they leave. And people who make my broken pieces come together with a reciprocated hug. And I don’t need him. Sure he was special and different at some point. I’m not sure if I’m completely over him but I have a bunch of strength. Maybe I’ll meet someone who will be special and stay. Someday. I’m just really happy and in a good place right now. I don’t think I need a guy right now. I just need to find myself. And I have never felt more free and happy. Let’s not forget strong.