So I’ve been meaning to write this post after the weekend or on Sunday but I got caught up with homework and studying. I have tests for all my classes except English… High School… Anyway
What I learned this past weekend.
So the weekend was hard for me. Friday was a half day and I literally just wanted that day to be over because the entire week exhausted me. And something really demeaning happened on Friday. And I just went home and started bawling my eyes out. I got sad/mad at first then I was like “Ok so I might still have hope.”
Then Saturday comes and I’m like ok maybe this will be a better day. I was wrong. Let’s just say I ended up in a bathroom crying in a stall for a straight 20 minutes maybe.
I was ready to give up. I went home and I just started looking for broken quotes on pinterest and tumblr. And there was this one quote that stood out to me. It was like a little story.
It said something along the lines of “I’m not suicidal. But if someone were to put a gun to my head I would just laugh and tell the person to go for it. If I was given the chance to die without killing myself I would probably take it.” And I just lost hope on everything, and everyone. I didn’t really see a chance in living. I thought for a second that life wouldn’t get better. I started doubting someone that I love so much, I lost some hope in God, because I believe in Him. And I just thought He was too busy to answer my suffering.
Then I made the best decision ever. I texted one of my friends about the purpose of living and how she knows life can be worth it. She said when you graduated and are finally doing what you love you’ll be happy you got through it and made it this far. The hard times show you that life will get better soon.
Then she said something that I have not forgot to this day. Even though she told it to me 3 days ago, I hope I never forget this. She said that when life gets hard she thinks of glowsticks, because just like them we have to break before we shine. I mean if you didn’t just get that “Whoa” feeling please read it over and over again until you get the feelings because it’s so true. Then I heard this song “I Don’t Want to Live For Me” and it just lifted my spirits for the day. And I found hope, then and there.
So whenever you feel broken think of a glowstick because it is just like you. You can shine. But you gotta break first.
I’m doing so much better. Hopefully next time I’m broken I won’t be mad or sad I’ll accept it and think of glowsticks. And I know that God is still working on me.
So update. GUESS WHAT GUYS! I MADE IT! I MADE IT INTO THE CLUB! APPARENTLY I GUESS MY AUDITION WASN’T THAT BAD. Wow this is just really amazing I was doubting myself for the past few days worrying about it, assuring myself it’ll be ok if I didn’t make it but I DID! This is so amazing. As you read from the beginning just a few days ago I lost hope in pretty much everything. But my world isn’t going into a black hole. Despite the 6 tests I have just this week and next week. Despite the fact that I left my English binder in my English class and have an assignment that’s in my binder due on Thursday (Yep). Despite the fact that mother nature decided to pay me a visit this week. I’m doing pretty fantastic. I hope nothing brings me down. Everyone believe me, hope isn’t that bad. Once you believe in hope and hope for it (pun intended) it gets very serious and there’s determination in you life. Although, sadly hope will not work everytime. But life knows what it’s doing. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean you should let go of hope. I mean shouldn’t I be freaking out I left my binder in class and that I have a narrative plan sheet writing about something I haven’t even planned yet. Shouldn’t I be really worried? Yet I’m not. I’m actually chill. I mean I wish the me I am now could tell the me last week everything will be fine and you don’t have to worry, concerning the auditions. Life changes it’s course sometimes. But never give up. I was literally tiptoeing on the edge a few days ago and here I am now. Full of hope. If I can do it, a regular teenage girl. Trust me, you can too.