Have you every heard someone say high school years are the best four years of your life?
When is that best feeling happening?
Because all I’m getting out of it is stress and anxiety.
I feel like wherever I would’ve gone, whatever high school it was I would hate it.
Because in high school you’re growing older. You’re seeing life in a new light. You’re actually more aware of the person you’re becoming and you’re trying to be that while everyone around you also “interferes” with your life.
It’s difficult and stressful and depressing.
Everyone who says high school was the best fours years of their lives were liars.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time.
I cry because there’s an essay due on Friday and you haven’t even started the draft and oh look, it’s Thursday.
I’m scared everyday that the teacher will say certain words that will cause anxiety.
You don’t know what you wanna be, last year you were thinking about being an engineer but then they have you taking a career pathway class that pisses you off to no end and your whole future seems like it’s destroyed. When did we start going that far into the future? I was just in diapers.
And how, where did everything go wrong?
When I was in Kindergarten I wanted to be a firefighter. My favorite color was red and when people asked me why I didn’t even know, I just liked the color. I was just watching movies in my parents’ bedroom not knowing what the hell was going on on the tv. I was JUST there, sinking my eyes into the screen watching all the characters. It just happened. But it didn’t.. just… happen.
Last summer doesn’t even feel like two seasons ago, it feels like a few days ago. I was just there.
When I heard that high school was going to be the best four years of my life I panicked. I didn’t even know what the “best years of my life” meant. I didn’t even know that high school wasn’t the best years of my life. It was the years that I already lived that were the best (hopefully, so far).
It’s funny I was living the best years of my life (so far again) and I didn’t even know.
It sure does kill you.
I was young when I figured out time goes super fast when you’re having fun. Yet it goes slow when you’re not.
I was a bit older finding out you never think about time when you’re with someone special, you just seize the moment.
Sometimes hours seem like seconds, and seconds like hours.
It was just yesterday that….
I was a little girl.
Now I’m growing up in this scary world
I want high school to finish.
But I also don’t want it to end.
Because once it ends…
I’m going to have to figure all of this out.