I hope that in the future they figure out how to send messages to the past.
Because I really need some reassurance from my future self that everything is going to be ok, that everything I’m doing right know is actually worth it.
I just need like a message, a letter, an appearance/hologram (which might really creep me out at first) I just need something.
I just need to know that this all leads to happiness.
That it’s worth it.
It’s worth my tears, it’s worth my weariness, it’s worth my self-consciousness, it’s worth all my hard work.
I need to know.
But would knowing ruin everything?
Would it ruin the whole timeline and everything from that moment?
Would knowing my answer change everything.
What if I got where I was through my pain. Well if I knew I was headed somewhere would I feel the pain that I would need to feel in that moment?
Well I guess that plan sucks.
No surprise holograms popping out at you.
Maybe that’s why there are no signs of them from the future?
But I just need something.
I need someone to tell me…
Is it worth it?
Is this hope hopeless?
Is the future future-less (is that even a word) ..?
I just need a sign, like an actual literal sign. You know not to vague maybe something like, I don’t know, “Rebecca your future is going to consist of the happiness you’ve always wanted and it’s because of your past actions.”
I hate being unsure of things.
It always takes me like 30 minutes to begin an essay because I have to make sure I’m writing in the font that the teacher wants and making sure to cite my sources. I just want to be 100% sure that I’m doing it all right and I have everything I need to do it right.
I hate being unsure, it makes me feel uneasy.
I just want to make sure that I’m on the right path, you know?
That I didn’t miss it somewhere beyond the way.
That I’m not missing anything.
That I’m feeling everything that I need to feel to be the woman that I’ll be in the future.
I might not be able to talk to my future self.
But this me can talk to my future, there present self.
I just want to let Rebecca know that if you’re scrolling through old posts I hope you figured out more about the mystery of our future because I’m going dry here.
I really don’t know where I’m headed right now and I really hope that you figured out, for sure, what you want to be.
And I know that that’s a lot of pressure for you and I’m so sorry, but I’m really scared.
I’m scared to jump the fences and get out of the “easy” lane. But you know that by doing that, that’s the only way we’re going to be happy.
I’m just scared to go “against the odds.”
I just hope that you’re happy and we figured out something more.
Even if it’s a little something.
I mean I don’t expect that you figured it all out.
But I know you figured something out.
I just want a happy future for us.
Because it’s never been about having money and being well known in society.
It’s been about happiness.
And happiness is all that we want.
So, do you still think that it’s worth it?
Will what we’re doing now and what we’ve done in the past positively affect our future?