blaME

Dear You,

I know it’s my fault,

I’m a hypocrite.

I know what I was getting myself into,

I asked for it.

It’s my fault.

Because when you say something,

I never say anything back.

And when you say nothing,

I begin to despise you.

When you look my way,

I turn my head down,

I never say “Hey.”

When you look at the ground when I pass by,

I somehow don’t understand.

I suddenly ask why?

Why would you ignore me?

I’m such a hypocrite.

It’s my fault,

that I admit.

But I’ve found a pattern.

You only seem to talk to me when my best friend is there.

But when it’s just the two of us,

your words seem to go bare.

But I’m the hypocrite.

I’m not allowed to be mad.

Am I?

Ugh, why do I always feel bad?

You’ve done horrible things as well.

But I need to ignore you,

I need to look away.

You have absolutely no clue,

what you have done to me.

I watched you fall in love,

with a girl that wasn’t me.

I thought liking you was a feeling I could get rid of,

but to this day my feelings have never changed.

You made me believe,

in something that wasn’t real.

Everything that you’ve told me,

it was only part of your appeal.

The hug, the umbrella the “I miss you,” the “I’m proud of you.”

They were all thrown out words and misread actions.

I thought you always meant it,

but I was a distraction.

Sure some things are different.

I’ve grown a lot from when we were just kids,

but I’m no longer ignorant.

I know that I don’t need a boy to be complete.

But it’s hard to just turn off my feelings.

I’ve tried so hard.

I’ve never found true healing.

Some days I feel amazing,

but those are the days when I don’t see you.

When I do see you,

I never know what to do.

This is all my fault,

we were only just friends.

But I fell for you,

I saw our friendship through my own lens.

I thought you liked me too.

But how could you ever like me?

That’s why I can never talk to you.

Can’t you see?

I can’t be friends with someone I like,

that would be too hard.

So I just decided to ignore you,

I put up my guard.

To this day that decision has affected me in more ways than one.

But I needed to do it,

Instead of lying to myself.

We would have never fit,

I know that now.

What was I getting myself into?

To think you could like me?

What have I put myself through?

I can never let you go.

Because of who I was in the past,

I can never let go of it in the present.

Will this always last?

Will I never let go?

Will I always like you?

Will you always affect me?

Did you like me too?

This is my fault.

I’m a hypocrite.

Once I started ignoring you I know you would’ve done the same to me one day.

I was just never ready for it.

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