night thoughts: 9:56 pm

A million words I could write.

A thousand stories I could tell.

A hundred feelings I could showcase.

For only one girl.

I could talk about so many things.

School, family, friends, my faith, my future…

Every one of those subjects has been hard on me.

Yet I chose to give you this anonymous blog post talking about nothing.

Because I have no idea what to say.

School has me at the edge, with exams and last minute projects. I barely have time to breathe or feel emotions.

My family life is so broken it doesn’t even feel fixable anymore.

One of my best friends is moving away and I don’t even know what to feel. My other best friends don’t want to talk about her moving away. I’ve just sort of had to accept it on my own.

My faith is really being tested. I know I should just not worry, but it’s just so hard seeing as if nothing is going right.

My future will always be a life-long problem, I want to do something other than what others want for me. I want to be me. But it’s hard to be me when the me that I want to be feels out of reach.

I just summed up my whole life in a matter of sentences, some of you might not even know what I’m rambling on about. I don’t even know myself.

This was going to be an anonymous blog post where I wasn’t going to talk about my crappy life, but that didn’t happen.

But I don’t feel like I’m on the downside of my roller coaster.

I just feel neutral.

I hate being unsure.

I guess that’s why I’m sad.

I just want to know my future.

I just want to know if I should have hope.

If they aren’t broken promises.

If all this hard work will pay off.

If I’m not wasting my life.

I just want to know.

I just want to be happy.

«Music Friday»

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5 thoughts on “night thoughts: 9:56 pm

  1. I am so in love with this. I literally cannot put into words how much I can connect and relate to this, it sums up my thoughts and “where I am” perfectly. The line I love the most is, “I just want to be happy.” Not a day goes by in which that thought does not cross my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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