realization

I want to talk about this picture.

It might just seem like another quote image.

But to me, it’s my life.

This picture saved me from going into another broken hole.

This picture reminded me of why I’m still here.

This picture got me to keep fighting.

This picture prevented me from writing another blog post about my sadness.

This picture brought me hope.

After all of the things that happened today, it’s hard to believe that I actually found reassurance and strength.

I was so close to full-out crying in a public place.

It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

My face felt like it was burning with the desire for the tears to come streaming down.

I had to hold my stomach to keep a sense of sanity, to not cry.

I came home and I cried in bed for an hour listening to sad songs.

Not eating, even though my stomach was grumbling an hour prior.

All of this happened today.

Yet I feel like the person I was at 1:00 in the afternoon,

is a different person right now.

And I guess that that is true.

I’m a different person.

Things can change in a matter of seconds.

I’m a different person right now.

I’m not crying anymore.

I don’t feel the need to.

Because I have hope.

For a greater future.

For happiness.

In God.

Maybe having hope and faith won’t put me down, it’ll only bring me up.

Maybe they’re two of the few things that’ll help me get through this.

They’re the ones who won’t allow me to have room to worry about my future.

All of these bad things happen to try to bring me down,

to try to force me to lose my fight,

to get me to go down a dark path,

to try to get me to rebel against the people I love.

That’s what pain does.

It comes creeping in like a friend,

maybe even like a best friend.

Then you start hanging out with pain and you don’t even realize that your light is getting dimmed.

That’s the worst part.

But I don’t want my light to be dimmed.

I don’t want to stay in my hole of brokenness.

I want my light to shine.

I want to have hope.

Hope is my light.

Faith is the fire that lets the light shine for me.

Faith gives me hope.