Everyone always leaves at one point.
How am I supposed to love if those who I love leave?
How do you expect me to build and grow relationships if they always end up in flames one way or the other?
They don’t want you around anymore.
They don’t fight for your presence anymore.
They start ignoring you.
It’s hard to believe, once you look back.
The laughs that you once shared with someone, it’s just a foggy memory now.
Everything involving them is a foggy memory.
But it’s absolute hell when I see them in person.
I’m never one to say “Hi” to a person first, because what if they don’t say “Hi” back?
I’m not a very outgoing person.
So once a person starts ignoring me, I just comply.
But seeing them in person, like I said, is just complete hell.
That’s a basic human trait.
I have this belief that maybe the person isn’t ignoring me, they just don’t notice my presence.
So I look the person in the eyes.
And there it is. The look.
Have you ever gotten “The look?”
The one where a person just looks… right. through. you? Like you’re not even there.
That look hurts.
I could think of a bigger word than hurts, but hurts seems to give the feeling of the look just enough justice.
I could tell you right now with absolute certainty,
That most of the friendships I’ve made just ended up in burning flames.
I’m a sophomore.
I made maybe a handful of friends during freshmen year.
Now, most of those friends don’t even talk to me anymore.
How am I supposed to build a healthy relationship knowing this information?
How am I supposed to enjoy the progress of a friendship if the thought of “Them never talking to me again” haunts me?
How am I supposed to do it?
Because I really don’t know.
I don’t want to lose another friend.
I don’t want to waste my time fighting for something that was meant to burn out.
I don’t want to haunt my own life remembering past memories and moments.
I don’t want to do this to myself.
That’s my philosophy.