I was hanging out with my friends yesterday, and I love them all so much. They’re my happiness and they comfort me so much.
But something that one of my friends said has kind of been on my mind to this moment.
She said “None of us have a boyfriend. One of us has to get a boyfriend.”
Back in February, I realized that I didn’t need to like anybody and the most important thing that I needed to do was love myself. So, I gladly defended my position and told her that I don’t need a boyfriend because I’m independent and I’m happy with myself.
Why, as teenagers, are we so hell-bent on getting a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Why are we not more hell-bent on loving ourselves?
I mean I get why you would want a boyfriend or girlfriend, your heart feels lonely sometimes.
But your heart shouldn’t be lonely, you have people in your life that love you. Don’t tell me you don’t, because I know that there is at least one person who loves you.
So why would you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to give you that love?
I’m not criticizing anyone who has a boyfriend or girlfriend.
I mean if you do, that’s great.
But, to me, it’s not my first priority.
My first priority is loving myself and finding who I really am.
Honestly, I’ve been through enough boy drama, I don’t need anymore.
Isn’t it tiring, liking someone?
I mean you have to stress yourself out trying to make yourself look presentable to make the other person look your way.
Not liking someone, in my opinion, is the best option ever.
But most of you know that I’m not over “Him.”
But I’m past the phase where I feel like I have to impress him. Honestly, I don’t care if he does or doesn’t notice me.
And I feel so free.
Because at the end of the day I’m not doing it for him, or some other random guy. At the end of the day, I’m doing it for me. I’m dressing up for me. I’m wearing make up for me. I’m doing this so I can feel better or more better about myself when I look in the mirror.
When I became a teenager I thought that I just needed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why? I didn’t even know. I just needed to have one. To feel loved and “accepted” by someone.
When I liked “Him” I wanted to let him know that I liked him, and I wanted to know if he reciprocated. That’s not bad, but I didn’t even comprehend the boyfriend part. Did I even want him as my boyfriend? Did I have what it takes to be a girlfriend? Did I have the emotional and mental strength for it? Honestly, no I didn’t. I didn’t even comprehend the commitment part (which is something I’ll take about later). Lately I’ve been thinking what if he actually told me that he liked me, you know in the past. I mean I would’ve been happy but then what would happen? Would I even be prepared for what would happen? I don’t think so. In a way, I’m kind of glad that this guy didn’t reciprocate my feelings, because I would’ve been in a whole bigger mess if he did, if I’m being honest.
Thankfully, I have the mindset that I have. I realized that I didn’t need a boyfriend.
But some people haven’t.
Some people have never even had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and yet they want one.
Because it “seems” ordinary/normal to have one, once you become a teenager, or once your friends start dating.
Dating and falling in love isn’t a sin, but don’t date just because it’s popular.
Trust me, I know it hurts sometimes to see a couple holding hands, and being in love. Or watching a movie where person #1 professes their love for person #2. Or the big one, when your crush is dating someone and you see them happy and you want that. Trust me, I know. But just because you’re feeling that pain doesn’t mean you need to date.
Do not date solely because you feel lonely. Dating will only make you feel worse. You will depend too much on one person, who has a life as well. That one person will not always be there for you. They might not even be the best person for you.
Date because you want to find your soul mate. Date because you want to fall in love. Date because you really really like someone. Date because you’re ready.
Some people aren’t even given the opportunity to date. Teenagers get married before they can even finish school, and it’s so sad. Imagine the opportunity that we have, that they don’t. That they wish they could have. That I wish they could have. We shouldn’t waste the opportunity. We should use it wisely.
Don’t date because your friends are dating. Especially don’t date if your friends tell you that you need to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Because you don’t. Having one doesn’t justify anything. Being forced to get one won’t make you happy.
One thing that dating takes is time, effort, and commitment. I don’t know if any of you are ready for that, but I am certainly not. I really don’t have time for one. I don’t have the umph to get one because I have so many other things to do first. I definitely don’t even know what commitment truly means, and I’m kind of scared of the word commitment. Because it means you’re fully committed to someone, you can’t just forget or ignore them. It’s not like some mean friend you can just avoid in the hallway. It’s an actual person who likes and maybe loves you. You can’t just ignore them, you have to be committed to them.
I know that you’re just searching for your happiness, but your happiness doesn’t have to depend on someone who just 3 months ago you didn’t know. Your happiness can come for yourself. You don’t need to date someone to find happiness. Dating someone might give you happiness, but it isn’t the only option.
Realistically, I don’t know you, the person reading this. But if you are ready to date, I’m happy for you. I don’t mean to offend you if you are dating.
I just don’t see a reason as to why having a boyfriend/girlfriend is a topic that is so overused. It pressures so many people, and it’s not okay.
This is for the people that it might pressure, you do not need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Don’t let anyone pressure you into getting one.
All you need is yourself. You need to focus on yourself first. Even if you’re in a relationship, you need to focus on yourself.
Because, How do you expect to love someone else if you can’t even love the person staring back at you in the mirror?