drowning

One moment, everything’s fine.

The next, I can barely register what’s happening.

I’m floating? Flying maybe?

Nope.

The complete opposite.

I’m falling.

Falling would be a understatement.

I’m drowning.

It happened so fast that I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening.

I was fine.

Fine.

And then the next.

Bam.

I’m drowning.

Gasping for air.

Trying to find a way out.

Trying… trying so hard to breathe.

Kind of hard for someone with anxiety and underdeveloped lungs.

I tried to get out.

I tried really hard.

Believe me,

I. Tried.

But everything.

It kept rushing out at me.

The current. The water.

It was my overcomer, or maybe something else was. Is?

It kept pounding, pummeling, beating me.

Leaving me, gasping for breath.

No one saw me.

No one saw me suffering.

There was no hand that reached out for me,

like in the movies.

No one came after me.

The funny thing is,

I just kept drowning.

I never passed out,

didn’t die.

I kept drowning.

I watched myself try to get out and fail miserably.

I kept drowning.

I didn’t see death, didn’t even meet him..? Or is it a her? I wouldn’t even know, because I didn’t meet them.

I kept drowning.

I was just drowning.

I wasn’t dying. I didn’t die.

I was drowning.

That’s all that was happening.

I couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t even get a morsel of air,

of help.

I just kept drowning.

Actually, I think that,

I’m still drowning.

banner-1176676_960_720

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “drowning

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s