No One to Blame

I’m not going to blame myself anymore.

I’m not going to blame my actions,

my feelings,

and definitely not my heart.

It hasn’t helped me in the past to blame myself.

In fact, I’m not going to blame anyone. I’m not going to blame him, I’m not going to blame me.

What is blame anyway?

It’s just assigning responsibility to someone for something wrong that happened.

But maybe I don’t see this as wrong? I don’t see liking someone and the inability of getting over them wrong.

It was just the wrong time for it to happen.

I wasn’t ready for him to reciprocate my feelings the past, and I’m still not ready.

But I’m not blaming myself for not being ready, and not saying anything.

Yes, I still have feelings for him after all this time.

If I said that one or two weeks ago, I would immediately and ultimately blame myself… why?

Because I thought what I was feeling inside was my fault.

I thought it was my fault that I couldn’t stop the feeling, that it was my fault that I couldn’t get over him.

But it’s not my fault, it’s no one’s fault.

They’re my feelings, it’s my heart.

Why was I so open to blaming myself?

Maybe I needed to blame someone to be able to live with the fact that I still like him.

I should stop blaming AND lying to myself.

Yes I still like him and I still care about him.

No, I’m not over him, but that’s ok.

It’s ok because it’s only going to take a little more time.

It’s ok.

It’s ok to still like him.

It’s not my fault. There is no blame to assign. It’s no one’s fault.

I’m actually thankful that I’m still feeling these feelings, because it shows that I’m only human.

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