Setback

I don’t know why there are setbacks and disappointments and hurdles.

I just don’t know why something good has to turn into something bad.

Is the experience a lesson? I don’t know.

I was hoping to get my learner’s permit today, but there was a setback.

I was doubtful that I would actually get my permit. Maybe that was a given.

It took us 20 minutes to get a parking space there. Maybe that was a sign.

I stood in line, excruciatingly, for an hour. Maybe that was just mean.

I walk up to the lady who seemed to have no interest in our personal well-being. Telling us we needed the one document that we didn’t have, my birth certificate.

I had my social security number, my id, my passport, my physical being. Yet, we needed a piece of paper to lift us out of the excruciating 2 hours that we already wasted.

This lady didn’t seem to care about the fact that we were humans as well as she shouted “Next!” I guess it’s not really her fault, but I was still mad.

I was mad when I got in the car.

I was mad when my brother opened the front door.

I was mad when my dad gave me my birth certificate and said he didn’t know.

I was mad when my mom asked me if I wanted to eat fish for lunch.

I was mad, I was furious.

I wasted 2 hours of my life to learn what about my setback? To learn that I should bring my birth certificate? To learn that life doesn’t always go the way we planned?

I don’t know why what happened today happened.

I really wanted to get my permit, but I was scared.

I guess I wasn’t really sure if I would even get my permit today. I didn’t really believe in myself?

Maybe that’s why I had a setback?

Forgive me for thinking everything in my life is a lesson.

Lesson or not, I still don’t understand setbacks.

Although, thankfully, I’m not mad anymore. I wanted to be mad. I wanted to go into my hole of brokenness over a mishap, because I could see it as life conspiring against me, but I didn’t. I saw it that way at first, but then something happened and I believed in myself.

The mishap was simple, I just didn’t bring a piece of paper. Yet, my mind can turn that into life plotting to sink me.

I think I’ve been giving my mind too much authority. I haven’t been helping my mind,  it’s been kind of controlling me. Not only today, but everyday of my life.

I have to fight my mind whenever something bad happens and I overthink.

My mind isn’t my enemy, but it only uses knowledge, not feelings.

Going back to the main point, I don’t know why setbacks exist, but I do know that they don’t have to bring you down.

Whatever happens, whatever disappointment occurs, it is not life conspiring against you. I’m going to have trouble believing that too, but it’s the truth.

Whatever the setback, you have to keep going. You have to have a little bit of hope that everything will be okay in the end. I have to believe that everyday, because it’s what keeps me going.

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4 thoughts on “Setback

  1. I’m so sorry your day didn’t go as planned and you weren’t able to get your permit. But you’re right: life isn’t conspiring against us, and as hard as it is to accept that sometimes, we must believe in it. This post resonating a lot with me, thank you for sharing ❤ I hope you can get your permit very soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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