Have you ever ran away or chosen to ignore something that was real?
I have, I do.
Our minds can do this thing where it can make something that is 100% true into something “false.”
We choose not to believe in the REAL truth. Why? Because it’s hard to accept.
A week or two ago my uncle experienced an open heart surgery. I visited him the day before he was going to go to the doctor to get everything checked. He is my favorite uncle ever. He’s the funny uncle who’s always cracking jokes and even through the jokes he makes sure to ask simple questions like: “How’s school?” “Everything ok at home?” He’s just the best uncle and I love him so much. My dad didn’t tell me the details of his surgery, he just told it to me like I already knew. I don’t know why he did that. Maybe it’s because he knows it would be hard for me to accept, maybe it’s because I didn’t ask… because I was scared.
This past Saturday I saw him in the hospital. Which was also a surprise to me because I didn’t even know he was in the hospital. It was really comforting to see him, but it was different. He sat in a wheelchair, he couldn’t lift his arms too high, he looked sick. But he was still able to crack jokes. It was weird not being able to hug him or anything, but he seemed unfazed by the fact that he was in the hospital.
To this day, I never got any context as to why he needed the surgery. I guess I don’t really want to know why, I just want to know the outcome.
Maybe I didn’t want to know, or ask my dad about the details because I was scared. I didn’t want to accept the fact that real stuff like this happened.
My mind tends to ignore the real things, I guess that’s how I cope with all the bad things of this world. I just want to be safe, I want to still hold a little hope that everything will be ok.
But it doesn’t help me in the end. It just gives me a false perception of life. If I keep avoiding the truth how will I even be able to accept the future?
Life is gonna be real with you, whether you like it or not. I don’t particularly like it, but I don’t want to keep lying to myself. I don’t want to keep believing my false perceptions.
It doesn’t help, trust me. I didn’t think I could handle seeing my favorite uncle in a hospital, but I did face it, I could. It made me 100% happier seeing that he was ok. But, I was also happier because it was ok believing in the real.