nostalgia and being lost

Saturdays are very nostalgic for me.

Do you ever think about how life was and how it is now? How drastically life has changed?

I mean life has drastically changed for me. Being in high school has changed me in so many different ways.

I remember before I went into high school, I thought I knew everything I needed to know. Being the “big kids” of a middle school will deepen your ego like that. Being an 8th grader sort of created this attitude that I was as mature as I needed to be. But, was I wrong. I knew nothing.

As soon as I entered high school I was like a little Bambi looking for his mama. (To be honest, I didn’t know Bambi was a boy lol) I was so lost and so confused, not only physically (my high school is huge) but emotionally and mentally. I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. I didn’t know anything about myself.

But, that changed as time went on. I discovered who I was/am and who I wanted to be. I changed from a lost boy into a Wendy (how are my metaphors? Lol).

High school does that to you. It changes you, but in a good way.

And what i figured out is that it changes others too.

I sometimes see my old school classmates when I go to church, and that creates this nostalgia for me of how life used to be: simple.

Although, they don’t really talk to me anymore. Those teenagers…

It’s just so overwhelming to go back to the past and think about how your life used to be. And to also think about the people who used to make you smile and laugh, even for a mere second.

I mean, I grew up with those people and it would be weird not to get nostalgic over it.

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe how drastic life has changed. How much I’ve changed. How much they’ve changed.

Would I go back to how things used to be?

Nope.

Because as much as I “think” I would want to go back to simpler times, I was still lost. I didn’t know anything. And I wouldn’t change my knowledge for simpler times. Also, as much as I don’t want to believe it, the past wasn’t always that great. I was lost, like I said. But I was lost in this mundane cycle of no change. I just kept doing the same thing over and over again and I never learned anything new.

I’m happy with the present, and if the present brings nostalgia then so be it. But nostalgia is better than being lost in my book any day.

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