2017. Book 18. Terrified.

As 2016 comes to an end, I’m not exactly sure what I’m hoping will come out of 2017.

Or what will come out of 2017.

In 2016, things happened that I didn’t even think would happen.

I don’t like “Him” anymore.

I found out I have anxiety, and I suffer from it.

I’ve been behind the wheel of a car.

There were experiences and feelings in 2016 that I can’t even describe.

I’m at a loss for words to even write this post.

What am I even trying to say?

There were moments in 2016 where I just wanted to give up. But somehow I didn’t.

How did I accept that I had a mental disorder? How did I escape the hell of its’ consequences?

There were times where I would’ve and should’ve drowned under everything.

But somehow I’m here.

Call it luck? Call it me?

I’m scared.

I’m freakin’ scared for 2017.

I want to get out of 2016 but I don’t want to leave it’s comfort.

I don’t want to let go of the anchor. I don’t want to start a new book.

I’m not ready to open Book 18 and start penning it.

To be honest, I’m not even sure if I’ll make it out.

I want to be strong. But how can I with fear?

Do heroes have fear when they have to be strong?

Because I’m honestly terrified.

I don’t want to put so much hope in a year.

The last time I did that… look what happened.

I mean 2016 wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t amazing.

It was a good year. I made it through.

But can I do that this time?

Can I make it through?

Can I be strong?

Can I be brave?

That’s what scares me.

Here’s to 2017.

Please be good to me.

Here I am finishing chapter 12 of Book 17.

About to open Book 18.

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7 thoughts on “2017. Book 18. Terrified.

  1. Yes, you CAN make it through. You will not let anxiety defeat you. You are more than your mental disorder. Anxiety sucks – I suffer from severe anxiety, and OCD, too. It’s horrible. But things always get better, and I’m positive that 2017 is the year for that. We’re here for you all the way ❤ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are strong, and brave, and more amazing than you give yourself credit for. You survived 2016, and you can get through this year, and we’ll be here for you along the way. You are a survivor, someone who fights, and someone who doesn’t give up. I’ve seen that in your posts from the last year. Keep going, you beautiful girl ❤ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. All hero’s have fear…. And you can’t be a hero without fear. You have fear, but you persevered through it and that’s what makes you AWESOME and STRONG. luv ya 💟😊💟😊

    Liked by 1 person

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