He Actually Cares About My Anxiety??

I never even imagined that something like this would happen to me. That someone would actually care so much to confront me about what I’m going through.

So Phoenix is the guy that I like. Over the semester we’ve become really good friends. I’m not like one of those people who can barely talk to their crush whenever they’re around. Well… that was the beginning lol. But now, we crack jokes at each other and talk about real things and rant to each other and we’re just really good friends. He started showing his real self to me and I’ve been doing the same. He jokes around a lot (like me) but he still makes sure to ask me if I’m ok and I ask him the same.

We have the same Spanish class and he sits right in front of me but he always turns toward me and puts his arm on my desk. This is the class where we mostly talk because I mean he’s right there lol. No matter what he always tries to make me laugh or smile, that’s why I really value his friendship. Over the past few weeks, I guess I haven’t really been discrete about my anxiety and my constant worrying.

A week ago he asked me “Are you worried about something?” because… I really don’t know maybe I have this look or something, I tend to touch my forehead a lot when I’m stressed. And I just said “Stuff. A lot of stuff.” He laughed and said “Wow that’s really specific. What stuff?” I just told him the only answer I could give him at the time “Life.” He always notices me being worried about things and looking stressed, but I never thought that he would figure something out about me.

Even with my anxiety, I tend to laugh a lot. I’m a very laugh-prone (is that a word?) person. I laugh at almost anything, of course, if it’s funny. I laugh even when I feel pain and there’s something funny that someone said. I just love laughing, it just frees me up from pain in a sense. It makes me feel happy and my heart feels happy, it’s just a great feeling.

Well, Phoenix asked me “You laugh a lot but you’re always worried. Why?” As a joke, I said, (and laughed) “To laugh away the pain.” Of course, he took this seriously and didn’t see the joke side of me. Then he said, “Can I ask you a question?” And this is where our whole friendship changed.

He asked me if I have depression.

I didn’t lie to him. I didn’t really feel like lying. I didn’t want to lie. So I told him the honest truth. I’m not sure. Maybe. I told him that my mom has depression and it’s genetic.

I’m really serious about issues when I’m writing, but I hate being too serious when I’m having conversations because it just feels really weird like I’m on a dramatic television show. So when he kept looking at me really worried and tried to figure out if I was ok I tried to comfort him by saying I’m fine.

But I mean. He. Actually. Cares.

The other day I got his snapchat and we started texting each other. And after school, when I got home, I see that he texted me. Of course, I began overthinking a lot and couldn’t open the message until 2 hours later when I was ready and you know what he said?

“Hey if the sadness thing is something you’d like to share, know that I am here.”

I melted into a puddle. I thought that he would just forget the whole conversation we had in class. But he wanted to make sure I felt safe talking to him.

I then went into this mini rant where I told him I’m not sure if I have depression but what I’m sure of having is anxiety. Yep. I actually told him about my anxiety. Imagine how much back and forth I went with my mind admitting that. But maybe it was obvious that I have anxiety considering he noticed I worry a lot. I told him how I overthink and I have my good and bad days but I’ve been having good days recently and there’s nothing to worry about I’m ok right now.

He said he noticed my anxiety and that’s why he was worried about me. He said even though he might play around he’s a really good listener.

And I mean the fact that he cares is one thing. But the fact that he noticed this about me and wanted to know what was going on with me is such a great feeling.

I mean the first day of Junior year he literally sat right next to me and I didn’t talk to him at all (I knew him from freshman year) because I thought he could be one of those fake friends and I really didn’t want to try if the friendship was just going to waste like every other friendship I’ve had.

But here I am, in the present, talking to him about my anxiety. I never thought that I would ever talk to him about this. I even told him if he didn’t notice there was 100% no way I would’ve told him. But he did notice.

I’m really happy. I’m happy that I have someone who’s there for me. I’m just… I don’t even know what to feel. This has nothing to do with the fact that I like him, it has everything to do with the fact that he cares.

Care is something I was scared he didn’t have for me. But I was completely wrong.

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22 thoughts on “He Actually Cares About My Anxiety??

  1. I’ve stumbled across your blog and this is the first post ive read and i have to say i relate so much, i have anxiety and have had since i was a small child but my biggest problem is over thinking (hence the name of my blog) does blogging help with your anxiety? I just started my blog in hope that it helps me get my thoughts out of my brain, i cant wait to read more of your blog!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Overthinking is my biggest problem too, sometimes I just want to go to sleep so my mind can have a break. So I didn’t realize I had anxiety until a year ago and ever since then this blog has helped me more than ever! Literally writing down the things I can never tell anyone is so so helpful and you don’t have to care and overthink that people will judge you. The people here are so so great. Trust me, it helps so much to say whatever is on your mind! Here’s my welcome to you, I hope you have a great time here!!! 🙂 And thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. JazzyBlogs says:

    I’m so happy for you! I wish I had someone like that for me because right now, even though I have friends all around me, I feel so alone and I can’t tell them anything. You’ve got such a good friend, you better keep him!😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! If you ever want to talk, I’m here 🙂 I know 100% what you mean. That’s why I really like this site and this platform because we get to be able to say whatever’s on our mind without any regrets and it makes things a little bit better. I hope you’re doing ok!

      Liked by 1 person

      • JazzyBlogs says:

        Thank you😊 And that’s what I like about this site too, I need to do more of that actually!
        It’s nice to know that I can talk to you🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • It really really helps me in my situation. And anytime! I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re alone and I would never want to wish that feeling on anyone. Anything anything anything, I’ll be here to listen 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so, so happy for you; reading this made my heart swell and I smiled so much. Phoenix sounds like such a genuine and caring person; it’s amazing that you’ve found this care and love and that you’re not afraid. I’m really proud of you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One of the best things to do with anxiety is what you just did. Tell people selectively, ie., tell people who seem trustworthy. Anxiety thrives and gains power in secrecy, like when you become anxious about your anxiety, and try to hide it, and become anxious that maybe you’re not hiding it well. It become a self-perpetuating cycle.
    When you tell people you have anxiety, all those added layers of anxiety about anxiety, dissolve and anxiety loses a bit of it’s power over you. The more you are able to talk about it, the more power anxiety loses. Writing about it like you are doing here is a good example of a positive way of dealing honestly with anxiety.
    All these additional benefits derive from being honest about anxiety with selected people, you will learn that you are not alone, that many, many people suffer as you do with anxiety which is quite empowering, and you may get tips and ideas from people about how they cope with anxiety.
    Maybe a psychotherapist or three, might even read your post, be impressed with your courage and share some insights with you!
    You rock!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. I literally couldn’t have said it better myself. It was honestly so nice to get things off my chest to someone. I give my anxiety too much power sometimes and that includes the anxiety of telling people. I was so close to not telling him and letting it go… but I’m so happy I didn’t.

      Like

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