I Don’t Want this Semester to End

I never thought I would ever say that sentence. Becuase I’ve never had a “good” semester. I remember last year, during my sophomore year, where I could not wait any longer to start a new semester. It was that bad last year. I actually counted the weeks and days til the end of it, because it was crap.

I barely had any friends in my classes. I was on the edge of an iceberg with my teachers. I was in a class that I absolutely hated. And my lunch friends didn’t want to sit with me anymore. I wanted nothing more to begin my sophomore year with a fresh start, which would be the second semester.

But this time, this year I don’t want a fresh start. I want this semester to stay the same all year long. I want the same teachers, the same people in my class, the same people sitting at my lunch table. I don’t want things to change.

This has actually been a good semester and I don’t want experience the anxiety of asking my friends “Do we still have the same class together?” and know the possible hopeless truth.

I have friends in all my classes (except one and the one I don’t have it is my piano class which is a good thing because then I can focus on my music). Do you know how rare that is for me?

In photography, I made 3 real friends. We crack jokes and are always finding a way to turn something stressful into something fun. This is the class I was always looking forward to, not just because of being able to take pictures but because I got to see my friends.

In modern world, I just sit next to my best friend and we just talk during class while our teacher gets distracted and do the worksheets together. We laugh so much, I’m afraid that we disturb the girl next to us but I’m too happy to notice.

In algebra 2, my friend and I occasionally talk about Fifth Harmony and my teacher is so so so so chill. It’s so great. She makes difficult math concepts so easy to learn. Which is great because this semester we learned logarithms and I swear I only understood it because she taught it. She’s the best math teacher in the whole math department in our school. She never gives homework but she’s still a great teacher. She always talks about life here and there, like the other day she gave us this motivational speech about Trump’s presidency and that we shouldn’t let Trump being president bring us down or make us unmotivated- we have to keep going and be educated because we are the change and we are the future.

In chem, I made this friend who I can talk to about anything and she laughs as much as me. She’s definitely not of those fake friends. And whenever we have a lab we get together with these other classmates who are hilarious and love to comment on the fact that my friend and I like to laugh at anything.

In AP Language & Composition, this is my worst class but I still find a way to think of it positively. 2 of my friends are in this class and we always tend to turn something serious into a joke. I wouldn’t even know what was going on half of the time if it wasn’t for my friend telling me everything.

In Spanish, I sit behind one of my friends and even though we’re not supposed to be talking we always have such lengthy conversations about anything. Mostly about how we have no idea what the teacher is saying because we both suck at Spanish.

So mostly I don’t want it to be a new semester because there’ll be new people that I most likely will not know (It’s a big school). In some of these instances, I made new friends while other times it’s old friends that I’ve known for a year or so. But what if I have too much anxiety to make new friendships? My anxiety has only gotten worse. And do I really want to put in the effort of making friendships that might as well just end up in the trash? Especially with all the new friendships I’ve made and mentioned above: if I don’t see them everyday will friends that I thought were real friends actually become fake? Or will they make no effort to stay in touch or respond to my messages?

I know that change is something that you need in life. Trust me I know. I’ve had to figure it out ever since I transitioned from a private middle school to a public high school. I know. But knowing that I need it doesn’t mean that I’ll like it any better.

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