thoughts 9:38 pm

Have you ever grown so comfortable with someone that you saw yourself telling them all these secrets and giving them so much of yourself?

You wanted to further your relationship, you wanted to feel safe with them, you wanted it to last.

But things change. Somewhere along the way, they act differently… they don’t try anymore?

They say all these promises making all kinds of plans for the future. And for a second you, being the doubtful person you usually are, actually believe them for a second. You can actually picture having that road trip with them or simply hanging out with them and going for car rides once one of you gets your license.

But then that fantasy is shattered… because it’s never going to happen. Things have changed.

They have suddenly forgotten all the things they’ve said. Or they remember and they just said them to make you happy or “eased.”

Right now I’m going through these emotions. I’m not 100% sure that this friendship that I have with this guy is actually going nowhere but… he says that he wants to hang out with me, but he hardly wants to talk to me whenever we see each other in the hallway. I mean shouldn’t it mean something to him that we actually seeing each other face to face (because we never see each other anymore)? Does he care?

Sorry that this is so vague, I didn’t really plan to write a blog post about this but it’s just bothering me.

I actually saw myself furthering my friendship with this person, this would be one of the few first real friends I’ve made since freshman year, and I don’t have many real friends.

But, I don’t know, something just changed in the past week. His promises just became like everyone else’s.

I can’t really say much without going into detail…

I was just wondering has anyone gone through this feeling? Of trusting someone so much. So much trust that you felt safe giving them your secrets? But now giving them your secrets feels like a burden or… I don’t know it’s just not the same.

Have you ever had that feeling that a friendship that you have with someone isn’t progressing anymore, it’s just going backwards?

«Music Friday»

Cancer by Twenty One Pilots

song like you By Bea Miller

burning bridges By Bea Miller 

i can’t breathe By Bea Miller

I’ve been really obsessed with Bea Miller’s new EP, as you can see lol… her voice is just so raw and her songs are beautiful. Also, I’m still obsessed with Twenty One Pilots I don’t think my obsession with them will ever stop. Hope you enjoy and have a great weekend everyone: we made it to Friday!




3 thoughts on “thoughts 9:38 pm

  1. I had a friend like this. It got far enough, for me anyways that I considered him my best friend. I just don’t know whether he ever felt like that or so strongly about our friendship; whether he valued it as much. Since then one/ both of us has messed up and we haven’t been talking for a while now. The worst part is that as we have such strong personalities and don’t want to be the one to go to the other, we keep to ourselves and try and forget about the other. There have been a few mistake encounters which have been really awkward, but we are just trying to get on with our lives again. I just hope that one day we will come back to each other again, hopefully sooner rather than later, because we got on so well. To be honest, I was closer to him than my girl friends and family during that time and at the moment where we’re not talking, I honestly feel like my heart has broken and I have lost a part of me. It may be deep, complicated and ott, but that’s honestly what I feel like now.
    I hope this helps in making you feel like this happens to other people too and that you aren’t alone. My only advice is if that you are that close, don’t let him slip away. It will be the biggest mistake of your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for the advice and especially for sharing, it does make it a little bit better to know that I’m not alone in having this feeling. On that note, I think that if you can- you should find a way to reconnect with your friend, the way you talked about him- he must’ve been really special. Trust me, I get complicated. But complicated is better than pain. Either way, I hope that whatever happens everything turns out okay 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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