Not One of My Best Days

I’m not having a good day, sadly. My mind has been feeding me dark thoughts throughout this whole day, but those thoughts are nothing but the truth. Or at least I believe it’s nothing but the truth.

This isn’t intentionally because of people or any recent situation.

I was doing okay in the morning then things started to just… go downhill.

I thought about the winter season and I saw this Christmas tree in my mind and how the holidays used to be so happy. I didn’t even realize that the holidays went by so fast I didn’t even have the time to appreciate them. No that’s wrong. My holiday season was so crappy it wasn’t worth remembering. But that wasn’t the only crappy thing. My birthday was crappy. Last summer was crappy. My life is….?

It’s like I force myself to forget how my life actually is to forget the (I wish I could find a better word) crappiness.

My life is just being wasted and there’s nothing I can or am doing about it.

I’m missing all these opportunities because of who I am. My life is just meant to be or at least feel useless. And the only reason I’ve made it through those “crappy” instances was because I kept my hope for a happier future. But now that future just seems hopeless. Will it ever happen?

The only reason I’m still here is hope but what if the hope that I have just turns out to be useless.

Will my life always be like this?

Is there a certain reason as to why I’m here?

Will I be able to live a life worth remembering? Or will doors and opportunities keep shutting on me?

Will I ever be happy?

I just want to be happy but that can never happen.

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7 thoughts on “Not One of My Best Days

  1. Gabrielle Beverly (The Gabby Diaries) says:

    Hey, I understand how you feel. I have bipolar, so I have those days where it’s like what am I doing, like what am I really doing with my life. Lately, for me, it’s been getting back into the swing of things ever my grandmother passed last year (the week BEFORE christmas). From working out again, to prioritizing things in my life a little better. At the end of the day, it all starts with you. Figure out what makes you happy, even if that means taking baby steps, that’s ok. Write your ideas down in lists, or make yourself a little collage or vision board (I know that’s what helps me). Just remember, if you feel like you’re the only one having days like this, you’re not alone. Keep your head up high, and remember that God (family, friends, and fellow readers) are on your side.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your comment really, really helped me so much. I don’t think thank you is enough but literally thank you. I want to try hard to hold on even if my mind doesn’t want to. I think I’m going to do that vision board thing that you suggested, I think that that’ll be fun and so helpful. I’m so sorry that your grandmother died the week before Christmas, that’s some mad strength you got there, I don’t think I could ever get through that. I’m making sure to build my faith in God instead of wrongfully blaming Him. I’m trying to remember the people who are all there for me- it’s a day by day process. Thank you so so much ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Gabrielle Beverly (The Gabby Diaries) says:

        Your welcome. I’m glad I could help you. Also, idk if I gave this one, but journaling is definitely a BIG help when it comes to stress, depression, anything. I’ve been journaling ever since I was little because it was hard for me to express myself talking to people about how I was feeling and other things. But once I got it all out on paper, I felt 10x’s better. Some days I can sit up and write 3 pages, other days, I can fill up 6-7 pages tops, depending on what was on my mind that day or week. Anyway, sorry for rambling, and let me know how things turn out with your vision board. 😊😊😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s so coincidental that you said that lol. I started exploring journaling back in the summer but then I stopped after a while and then I got back to it on Friday. It helped a lot because it didn’t feel like I was bothering anyone and I was better by the time I wrote the last period. I just think I need to find more time to do that and more time for myself. No, don’t feel bad for rambling! I enjoy rambling, it reminds me that I’m not the only person who has a lot to say. Will do! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Gabrielle Beverly (The Gabby Diaries) says:

        Yes, for me, it was the same way with blogging. I would have days where I would get stuck on what to post. It got so bad to where I didn’t post anything for weeks, even a month (this was before my grandmother’s passing). Now, I just come on here like it is my regular journal and post almost everyday now. 😊😊😊 doesn’t matter when you start, as long as you start 😊😉😊😉😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Gabrielle Beverly (The Gabby Diaries) says:

        Yep. Like I notice now the best times for me to put at least one post up is in the AM, or the PM. But if I know I can blog all day (like I did Tuesday) then I’ll be blog from the time I get up to the time I go to sleep. The weekends are the best!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

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