That’s true. Whether you believe it or not.
I mean admit it. No one will read your blog posts as many times as you do. Reading and re-reading over every specific line and thinking “Yesss. That’s such a good point.”
And you’ll always (hopefully) be the first one to congratulate yourself at the end of the day when you’ve studied or done all you’ve needed to do.
Who do you feel proud of when you see an A on your paper or test?
Over the years, I’ve grown to have problems with self-love. You may or may not as well. So my examples might differ from yours. There are instances where I congratulate myself just for getting up in the morning or complimenting myself in the mirror. And that’s an accomplishment for me. So not everyone goes through the same “proud” moments.
But I think that the one thing that everyone can agree with is that you can also be your biggest enemy.
Now, how can you be your biggest fan and your biggest enemy?
That doesn’t make sense. Think of a person you don’t like. Close your eyes and think of them (I’m sorry but it’s a visualization example). Now is that person your biggest fan? N.O.P.E.
So it doesn’t make sense how you can be your own enemy and your biggest fan. But when it comes to you, it makes a ton of sense.
There’s a difference when it comes to talking to yourself, thinking to yourself, and being alone with yourself.
There are some things you can never tell others- not even your best friends. Those things are kept between you and only you, and there might be some secrets other people know. But you hold all of your secrets. And I mean does one single person know all of your secrets? Yes. The person staring back at you in the mirror.
You’re the only person who knows what’s going on in your life. All your stress, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your everything.
So it’s easy to be your biggest fan and your biggest enemy.
Because it’s “easy” to love yourself, but it’s much easier to break yourself down.
And the sad part is that you can break yourself down because you know all of your weaknesses and strengths. You know what you’ve done and all the things you haven’t done.
You know everything.
So it’s easier to be your biggest enemy than it is to be your biggest fan. That’s why loving yourself is never easy.
Because, being you, it’s hard not to look at yourself and see all the mistakes you’ve made, at the sadness you keep deep in your soul- blaming yourself for it being there, every opportunity you’ve missed because you were scared, everything you’ve let go because you couldn’t hold on, the darkness.
But it’s not difficult to find the light.
What do you do when the sun sets and your house gets dark? You turn the light on. And is it hard? No. I mean, of course, Rebecca, flicking a light switch is easier than psychology and realistically “finding the light.” But you don’t have to overthink the light.
We spend too much of our lives breaking ourselves down and belittling our self. Remember when I told you to close your eyes and picture a person you don’t like? Think about this: What makes us any different from them? If we keep tearing ourselves down, what makes us any different from them… or worse? I mean the person I pictured has never told me I’m not pretty, but I tell that to myself whenever I feel down. If the person I didn’t like actually said I’m not pretty I would feel h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e. and feel the need to tell the person off. But why is it that when we say those bad things to ourselves we just accept it and let it be? Why don’t we fight it more? Why do we just flow with our darkness?
We shouldn’t. You shouldn’t.
You are capable of light. And you are your biggest fan, whether you believe it or not.
No one, on this earth, will be there for you as much as you can be there for yourself.
No one, on this earth, will be prouder of you than yourself.
No one, on this earth, can love you more than yourself.
You are born with yourself. And you die with yourself.
Don’t hate the one person who can and will always love you no matter what.
Don’t be your biggest enemy.