WOAH WOAH WAIT… is that… is that Rebecca? Is she back from the deep, dark blog depths? Has hopelesslystrong been brought back to life?
Well, lol, hopelesslystrong never died. If anything died it would be Rebecca’s blog skills which school killed.
And if you don’t know or remember who I am, I’m someone who loves to refer to themselves in the third person.
Lol, but really, how are you guys? It’s been a while! School really has been slowly killing me. It’s November and I already have senioritis. And yes, it’s bold because it’s scary.
I’ve been so busy with my college-level classes, college essays, financial aid for college, mental emotions, feelings, homework, ap classes, etc.
I haven’t had time to even pull up my blog… but here I am! Yes, I am still here and this blog is still prospering!
And boy, do I have a story for you.
One of the main reasons I started this blog was because I wanted to be able to visit this blog in the future and look back at old posts of who I was and the things I’ve accomplished. Like an online diary but better (I could never keep up with a diary).
Well as you read from the title, I did something I never thought I would ever do in my anxiety-filled life.
I told my crush/friend I have feelings for him.
And yes, this is the same guy I’ve ridden a rollercoaster for, for the past year: Phoenix.
Since maybe September, I’ve been thinking about telling him the truth but I always shut it down because hello? I have anxiety. I could never tell him. I could never imagine myself telling him. But as days passed, things got more difficult. Example?
Nah, I’ll give you examples.
I have a friend group now and I told them all about my feelings. All of them, well those who knew him, were telling me different perspectives of the story of him and his ex. The thing is, he’s best friends with his ex. They’re always together. And one friend told me, his ex still wants him and she’s lowkey obsessed with him. Another friend told me they’re just friends. A third friend told me they got back together. And all of it blew my mind. I just wanted to know whether I was ever anything to him. Or if I was just, what the kids call these days: a side piece.
I was confused by his actions. This is the same guy who broke my heart in the summer. Somedays it’s like I was talking to a wall. A tough, brick wall. And now that we’re back in school we’re okay again? I want to know where his head is at. If I did mean anything to him.
My mind was controlling me. Every interaction with him and I mean EVERY interaction had my mind thinking “He likes me” or “No he doesn’t like me.” And it was driving me i.n.s.a.n.e. Truly insane. Because his actions? They were the definition of mixed signals. He pushed me to a wall once… nope, twice. But not in a way that hurt me. And then last week, he saw me sad and he was like “No, we’re going to talk about why you’re so sad.”
And if you asked my close, CLOSE friends how many times I’ve told them/asked them if I should tell him or not… they would give you so many detailed descriptions and time stamps of an anxious, make-up-your-mind Rebecca who was really lost.
So last week Friday, I took the one opportunity I had to ask him to talk. My friend, Hydra (yes, all my friends will have star names) and I stayed after school. We saw him walking somewhere. He started walking with me while Hydra walked ahead. He asked me where I was going and I told him. He hugged me and told me to “Be Safe.” He was about to leave but I just took that opportunity because I really didn’t know what I was going to text him to ask him to talk because I lowkey don’t like virtual him. So I turned back around and asked “Is there a day we could talk? I need to tell you something.” And he asked “When? Next week?” And I said “Yeah, any day.” He started thinking of days. Thank goodness he didn’t ask me why. He said “Thursday” but he wasn’t sure yet. He was really doubtful. He’s a really busy person. And he’s canceled on me last minute before. So I didn’t really believe that we were going to talk Thursday.
But I was still proud of myself because I made a split-second decision without overthinking it. I actually asked him to talk.
But there was the hard part: Actually telling him.
All week long, I was anxious about it but at the same time, I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t really sure it was actually going to happen. It didn’t feel real. I mean it was me. Rebecca. Anxiety. Nervous. Worried. Rebecca. Who has never even thought of telling past crushes she liked them. Or even thought she would tell this crush she liked him. And the thought of actually telling him? I could picture it but only as a daydream. And I knew it wasn’t going to be as dramatic as my mind played it out to be.
But then we saw each other on Tuesday and I posted a video of my singing on Snapchat and he commented on it saying “I finally did it” and that made me smile because I’m really shy about my singing. He confronted me about it telling me that it was good and he wanted to hear more. This conversation happened after school, at a school club, that two of my friends: Lyra and Ethasia founded. (They are apart of the story too. They were the ones I group texted after I asked him for a day. They’re close friends with him and are sort of one of the only honest plugs to information about him and his ex and they’re really supportive and give great hugs. They’re best friends with each other) Majority of my friends were at this club including Hydra, another friend, Kara, and Phoenix’s best friend (not his ex) Linx. His best friend is a girl just so you know and she is friends with my friends which is why I started to become friends with her. But she’s also friends with Phoneix’s ex.
Do you see why everything started getting frustrating for me? Everyone is literally connected in their last year of high school. My friends would hang out with Linx which would mean Phoenix and his ex would be there. And it didn’t help my situation. I would barely talk or even look at Phoenix because his ex is honestly scary… anyway,
I didn’t want Linx to know about liking him because I didn’t know her that well. I thought she would tell Phoenix. AND I thought she would tell his ex. So no thanks.
After I had a conversation with Phoneix about my singing, which Hydra witnessed she went back in the room and said loudly to Kara, “That sexual tension though.” And he was literally r.ig.h.t. t.h.e.r.e. I yelled at her and she said she didn’t recognize his back profile and thought he was a girl because of his stance. I was still shaking inside and hit her. Then the club started but I could barely pay attention. I wasn’t sitting with him. I was sitting with Kara, Linx, Hydra, and another one of their friends. While he was sitting on the other side with his ex.
But they’re not together.
And Hydra still exposed me. She told Kara what happened and the friend and especially Linx heard. Then Hydra told Linx I was in love with him. And I was like “WOAH WOAH wait hold up, I am not in love with him. I just like him.” And Linx asked me, “So are you in love or do you just like him?” And I confirmed that I just liked him. I hit Hydra a lot after that and yelled at her. But I found out that our other friends Magi and my best friend Luna already exposed my secret to Linx earlier that day.
But she’s chill. She told me she wasn’t going to tell him. She asked me, “Are you going to tell him?” and I said, “Yeah, maybe Thursday.” She smiled and gave me a fist bump. She told me she would’ve tried to get information from me but it would have been obvious since he knows Linx and I are friends now. Plus, I didn’t need it since I was gonna tell him later that week, right? The funny thing is, she saw us when Phoenix and I were talking earlier and she “sensed” that something was there. But all my friends are just extra.
I told her a couple of things; when I started liking him, the park, the library. And she told me that he’s 100% single and he told his ex he’s not interested in her anymore. But what did that do for me?
Did I still like him? He’s done a lot of shit to me. And the main reason I wanted to tell him was so that I could move on hopefully since all of it would be out there and I wouldn’t have to overthink anymore. But I didn’t know what I wanted at this point. He was single and I was gonna tell him I like him… or liked him? I didn’t even know. I vented to Lyra about it and she eased me. But I was still scared.
Then the next day, Wednesday, came: Phoenix confirms that he can do Thursday. Lyra and Ethasia were ecstatic and told me they believed in me. This was one of the reasons I could tell him. Because I had such a great support system behind me. Even if he did break my heart, so many people would be there for me. The panic started but it was only Wednesday. The worry can wait for Thursday.
At this point, I told my friend group about confronting him Thursday and bless, cause of that great support system. Kara and Hydra said they would be at the library (lowkey spying lol) while I talked to him (if that was where he and I were going to talk) supporting me.
Thursday comes. It’s a half day at my school because the quarter is over. We got out at noon which gives more time to hang out after school. (Since it’s winter, the days are shorter here) I was nervous. But I didn’t feel the heart palpitations until I saw him.
I didn’t see him during school which is kind of a good thing because I was already freaking out.
Lunch was my last period and all my friends were consoling me and asking me if I was ready and if I knew what I was going to say and I was like “Hell no. I’m freaking out. I’m just going to wing it.” Then the bell rang. School was out and it was time to walk to the bus stop.
I walked with Hydra, Kara, and our friend Aikra (lol these names) who was going to meet her boyfriend at 3 so she came with us. We were all going downtown. They were all going to support me at the library.
He texted me and he told me we would meet up at 7eleven. But then my friends told me he was walking up to me. All three of them were facing the opposite direction that I was. And the way I was facing, my back was turned so I didn’t see him walking up… and I really didn’t want to turn around. I told them “Really? He is? I don’t want to turn around. I’m getting panicky. That feeling is starting in my chest.” I really felt anxious and I could feel it in my chest, my heart, my throat, everywhere. Then Hydra, and her extra self was like “Okay, guys turn around let them be.” Lol, they didn’t even say bye to me and I was like “Really, guys?”
So I had to turn around and face him. I really thought he would approach me when I was talking to my friends but he let me be until I finished talking to them. I turned around and he was smiling at me. Yep, I’m done. Already. He asked me what they were saying about him and I told them “They’re talking bad about you” as a joke lol.
So we walked in a different direction from my friends because he wanted to go to a bus stop that wasn’t really crowded. Because pretty much all the kids were going downtown after school (that’s the cliche hang out place that would be in movies). So we walked all the way to a different bus stop I didn’t even know of. It was f.r.e.e.z.i.n.g. My nose and fingertips get cold so easily. And all this boi was wearing was a jean jacket. I asked him, “You’re not cold?” And he said “No. Are you?” I was packed up like a marshmallow… Man I’m just realizing I could’ve used some great sarcasm. Dang it.
I got nervous because he didn’t know I wanted to tell him something specific. He thought I just wanted to hang out. So I started panicking, even more so than before. I texted Hydra, and then Ethasia and Lyra in a group chat.
Lol so we went to the bus stop and we were the only ones there. We had to wait for maybe 20 minutes in the cold. We talked about our classes and school. This fool forgot that we were in the same precalculus class and I got butthurt and he apologized lol. He said he told people he felt like someone was missing but no one believed him. We both talked about how we were utterly lost in AP Bio. I told him about the difficulty playing bar chords on the guitar. He asked me, “Is it cause of your short fingers?” and I defended myself saying “No it’s cause of the transitioning, I’m just not used to it. I’m getting better at it. ” He was shocked at me defending myself lol because I really DEFENDED myself. Then the bus came and we didn’t know if we had to pay or use our school id’s since school let out early. He said that he would talk to the bus driver lol but he said nothing. But they accepted it. Then when we reached the stops near our school, teens got on and the bus got packed AND loud. Lol, I lost Phoenix because I was sitting and he was standing. So when it got full he had to go all the way to the back of the bus. I was like “What? Where did he go?” But thankfully I went downtown before with some friends and knew when to get off. It gave me some time to myself. But the kids, they yelled. It was annoying. They were shouting to each other on the bus. And I looked back at this lady on the bus and her face read like, “Girl, these are your people.” And I was like “Please don’t associate me with them.”
Then we got off the bus when we reached downtown and he was already out by the time I got out. He was smirking. He made fun of the fact that he could block them out with earphones but I couldn’t because my earphones broke.
I texted Hydra and her, Kara, and Aikra reached downtown before we did so there would be no awkward encounters of seeing them at the library, right? Wrong. As soon as we got off the elevator, he said: “Look who it is.” And there stood my three friends and I immediately thought, “Oh shit.” So, this made him kind of suspicious he was like, “Oh so you were on your phone like telling them, ‘Guys we’re going to the library'” And I said, “Noooo I didn’t know they were coming to the library, I thought they were going ice skating.” We were gonna go ice skating, my friends and I, but we couldn’t do it at the last minute. So everyone went to the library.
So Phoenix and I went up the stairs to the kid’s floor of the huge library. Yes, the library is very huge and very chill. We had our first hang out here back in May… and now it’s November. These months just flew by.
So when we got there he asked me “Do you want to go to the bathroom? Go warm up your hands?” At first, I didn’t want to go but I needed the bathroom pep talk lol. But I couldn’t give myself one because a mom and her baby were there and the mom was already eyeballing me for some reason. It’s like she knew. Lol I’m just kidding. So I checked myself in the mirror and took deep breaths. Then after a minute, I went back to where he was sitting then he went to the bathroom. And again, I had time to think about how I was going to tell him the truth or if I even was going to.
He came back from the bathroom and it was funny cause he took longer than me. He came back and said: “She’s wondering why this guy is talking so long, right?”
I didn’t want to like jump right into it. Because I haven’t had a real conversation with him in a long time. I wasn’t even sure this guy was still there because for the past few months all we’ve been talking about were insults and fighting each other (he comes for my life for being short). I wanted to talk to him about life and stuff, plus I needed to ease into the conversation because I was hella scared about telling him. Because there he was. I’ve been thinking about this since the Friday I asked him for a day. Wait, not even since then, since like September when I vented to one of my OG best friends, Draco, venting to her about him and she told me the only way I could move on was if I told him the truth. Now there I was.
It was nice to talk to him again. We talked about simple stuff: life, friends, family, the movie “It,” etc.
He was sitting in a chair and I was sitting on a wood panel thing. Then we switched places cause my back was hurting. And lol, I didn’t know this, but Kara later told me that she and Hydra sneaked up on us while he was sitting in the chair and they saw us talking and Hydra was really loud. But THANK GOODNESS we both didn’t hear them because he would’ve gotten more suspicious. And he’s really good at body language, so if he noticed that my body language changed cause I heard Hydra, he would ask me what’s wrong. And for some reason, I don’t see a reason to lie to him when things happen with my friends or about anything really.
But I was freaking out throughout it. Because at one point, he mentioned the people he trusted and he listed Linx, then his ex, then this other guy friend. And I asked him if he still had feelings for his ex and he gave me this disgusted “No” like there was no smirk in it or smile or anything. He genuinely doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. But that was a reason I was freaking out. And another one was that we were talking about the show “Friends” and you guys know Chandler? The sarcastic one? Well Phoenix asked me, “Would you fall for a guy who makes sarcastic jokes like Chandler?” And I froze. I literally froze and didn’t say anything to him for 10 seconds and he was like “Wait, what happened? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.” And I was like “No there’s nothing wrong with the question. Yeah, I would want a guy who has sarcasm.” But I freaked out because I DID fall for a guy with sarcastic jokes, Phoenix, it’s you. And then while he was talking to me there were so many indications that he just saw us as friends or it was just me chickening out.
And I was texting my friends a lot because I was freaking out, I especially texted Hydra and she gave me a pep talk; telling me I would regret it if I didn’t tell him. And when we switched sitting positions, he called me out for texting people and he was like “You’re probably telling them why is this guy talking about “It” so much?” And I told him, “No, my friends were just telling me when they were leaving.” And he smirked and said “Okay.” And turned to look out the window and I said to his hair, “You really want to know?” But YOU GUYS. I said that in the most cringe-worthy voice ever. And he kept imitating it. Urghhhhh I wanted to melt.
Then he tried to like unlock my phone but he locked himself out. Then he wiped my phone screen and was like “Do your password one more time and I’ll figure it out.” And I was like “Bruh I’m not dumb, I do that with my dad’s phone. I’m in forensics, I know stuff.” We both laughed. But I was so nervous. Literally, no words came out of my mouth. And I tried really hard but nothing. He was trying to get it out of me and he was being sweet about it. Then I told him “It makes me nervous and gives me anxiety. You know that.” And he said, “You can feel anxious afterwards it’s okay now.” I laughed and told him, “Uhmm that’s not how it works.”
Then he said, “Look there are your friends” and I thought he was kidding but there my friends were. I asked him “Is it cool if I go talk to them?” And he said, “Yeah, of course.”
I got up from where we were sitting and started talked to them. They told me that they were leaving. I felt bad cause they were like waiting for me to tell him but I was panicking. Kara told me it’s okay if I don’t want to tell him and I was like bless lol but Hydra pushed her and was like “Girl bye.” Hydra and Aikra were telling me to do it and I told them what was panicking me, him trusting his ex and the Chandler thing. Then Kara was like “Guys we’re whispering pretty loud.” We were like a foot away from him. And I turned to look at him and he was turned back at smirking back at us and I was like “Oh shit” Then they left and I went back to him.
Then he was like, “I heard what you guys were talking about” and he was smirking. I full on started panicking. Like if I was panicking before, this was the highest level it could reach. I got so scared. I said “… you did? What did you hear?” My voice got small and my facial expression changed. He noticed how much my demeanor changed and he asked “What? What are you worrying for?” And I again asked, “Like you really heard what we said?” and he said “Yeah.” I still don’t know what he heard. We did whisper pretty loud. But we never explicitly said, “Did you tell him you like him?” They were just like “Did you tell him?” And I said, “No I didn’t tell him.”
Then he asked me this would you rather question and I answered and we talked about it. Then he asked me if we should keep asking each other those types of questions or if he should keep trying to question me about the thing I wanted to tell him.
I was, again, really nervous. He asked me “Are you uncomfortable?” And I told him the honest truth: “Yeahhhhh” He got really serious and he tried to get it out of me. He kept staring at me while the word never came out. I told him “You have to stop looking at me though.” He turned around to look out the window and I still couldn’t get the truth out and he turned back around and smiled at me and arched his eyebrow and I laughed with some nervousness.
It took like 10 minutes to get the truth out.
Then he started like looking down at his lap listening and I was like “Okay just do it, Rebecca.” I didn’t want to say I like you from the start of the sentence, not only cause I physically couldn’t but because I wanted to ease into it. So I went through our whole backstory like: “You know how we became friends junior year then we started talking and texting a lot?” Then he mentioned how we stopped talking for like those 2 weeks of the “Chapstick thing.” I was like, internally, dang you actually remembered that? Because this boi sure does lose focus a lot and forget things. Then I continued “Yeah we stopped talking for a week and we started again and we went to the library and the park… well through that, I started getting feelings for you.” To be honest I didn’t really wanna say I like you because it didn’t really feel like the right words to use. And the last part of that sentence was hard to get out but it somehow came out.
Thank goodness, because he wasn’t staring at me when I said that so it made the nervousness better. Because if he was staring at me, I would’ve bolted out of there. No running in the library? I really don’t care. I would’ve been gone. And I thought because he didn’t overreact or seem shocked (which is so great) that maybe he knew so I asked him “Did you know?” He shook his head and said “No.”He was calm, which is good. Because I, on the other hand, as you know, was FREAKING OUT. But the hardest part to say was out there.
Then I resumed the story of what happened “Then you got a girlfriend in the summer and I didn’t talk to you for a month. I tried cutting you out of my life but I couldn’t because you didn’t even know anything was wrong and I couldn’t be mean to you.” He like eased the conversation by making jokes, one of them was about cutting him out, and it made me feel SO MUCH better. I didn’t want it to be so serious cause that would kill me.
Then he was the one to look at me while I looked away and he asked me “Do you still have feelings for me?” I said “Honestly I don’t know.”
Then he was like “Let me be honest with you…” My heart was a freaking drum at this point. I was shaking and my breathing was all over the place. Then we started making eye contact again and it was out there now. So he told me that he officially broke up with his girlfriend last year, in November. Then he found out she didn’t move on and stuff. She’s still trying to get to him, even now. But they’re friends.
Then he told me about his summer girlfriend. He thought that his ex would move on if he got a girlfriend. He said he met this girl at a church fundraiser and he started liking her. Then she moved or something (honestly I don’t remember this detail, I was too busy hoping he wouldn’t break my heart more than it already was because the walls were so damn down at this point, I couldn’t build them back up) but yeah, he said he didn’t want to do a long-distance relationship.
He asked me if I wanted to know his honest feelings and I was scared at first because I really thought he was going to break my heart. Then he asked me “Why did you tell me?” I said, “Cause I wanna move on and I wanted you to know.” He said, “Dang that’s actually a good idea.”
He again asked me, “Are you sure you want to know?” I shakingly agreed. I think I was melting in the chair. He said, “First, I don’t want my ex coming after you. Because she always finds a way. She’ll find out about this one way or another, she’ll even find out about us hanging out.” I told him “That’s what Lyra told me but yeah, I’m lowkey scared of her” laughing. He said “Nah she won’t do anything. If she does you can tell me. Or if she asks you if you liked me you can say no or tell her the truth.” Then he asked, “What would you do if she does anything?” I said “Bruh, I would run. Run really fast. I would let Lyra or Hydra deal with that but I would run out of there.”
But to be honest, I’m not as scared of her as I used to be. She’s just a teenager like me who fell in love and she’s not going to do anything to me, she can’t. I just got out of the drama, this girl is not reeling me back in.
Then he asked me, “Do you want to be in a relationship?” I again told him, “I don’t know.” Because I was honestly scared, I’ve never been in a relationship. But I didn’t want to tell him that because he’s been in a few while I’ve never even been kissed or have ever gone on a date.
He told me, “Honestly, I don’t have time for a relationship.” I know where he’s coming from and I’m honestly the same way. I don’t even have time to use my blog anymore. He was telling me, “You’re a sweet person. You’re honest, reserved, and funny.” He was like listing good qualities off on his fingers and internally I was like “HOLD YP YOU KNOW I GOTTA REMEMBER THIS TO REPEAT TO MY FRIENDS” lol if he heard my thoughts… But he just doesn’t have time because of school, church, family, soccer, college, etc. I completely understood him because I’m really busy too.
He then said “You would be a great girlfriend honestly. But I just don’t have time. I’m like a surgeon making appointments next months cause I’m so busy.”
But bless, because he was so sweet about it. He said “If you still have feelings for me in the future, you can just tell me like ‘Hey, Phoenix, I still have feelings for you'” in like this whiny voice and I was like bruh I don’t sound like that. It was nice that he was making it casual and funny because I was terrified of the conversation. He also said “I’m not going to be that person that’s like ‘Ohhhhhh I know Rebecca like me now'” all egotistically.
Plus, he knows that I tell Lyra stuff now. There was a time when he asked Lyra something and she talked about me and he said “Ohhhh that’s why.” And when I told Lyra she was like, “Bruh I was the plug, why would you tell him?!??” And I laughed and was like “It’s done dude. I wanted all the cards on the table.”
ALSO this is the big one. He wants to make sure I don’t make our friendship awkward. Which he knew I would make awkward because I’m me lol. He really wants to try he was like “We have to find ways so that it doesn’t become awkward between us. Like we can still hang out and still snap each other and talk.” I told him “You know I’m going to make it awkward though” I laughed and he smiled.
But it’s nice because he was so chill about it and he wasn’t weird about it. He was the one who made it comfortable for me, not the other way around.
Then he connected more pieces and I told him that’s why my friends were at the library, that’s what they were talking about, and that’s why I was on my phone so much.
He had to leave at around 3 because he had to go to soccer practice. So he got up and put on his backpack and asked “Should I give you a hug or should I just leave?” I told him “You should just leave… no I’m just kidding.” I got up and I got a REAL hug from him which lasted only a second and his bag was in the way. He asked, “Are you gonna ride the bus home with me?” And I told him “I should ask my friends if they’re still here.” Because Aikra was waiting downtown until 3 because her boyfriend was going to come at 3. I texted Hydra and she literally left 5 minutes before and she was like “WHAT SHOULD I GET OFF THE BUS?” lol but it was too late. Aikra was still there at a restaurant and Phoenix knows downtown better than me so I asked him, “Can you walk me there?” He said “Yeah.”
We rode the elevator and it wasn’t awkward lol but when we were waiting for the elevator he said “That’s a new belt.” I looked down and stared at him and was like “Dude really?” And he laughed lol. Then throughout our conversation I took my glasses off and when we got off the elevator everything was blurry and I said, “Wait why can’t I see anything?” And he laughed saying “What did you say? Did you ask why you can’t see?” He started dying and I told him how sometimes I walk out of the house without glasses and I’m like “Nope, can’t see shit.” It’s nice that we were still seemingly friends and he really was trying and is trying to not make it awkward.
So he dropped me off at the restaurant, I saw Aikra and one of his friends was there eating so he walked in and said hi to him. I went to Aikra and she asked “How did it go?” and I said “No hug me first” lol. She was really excited and happy because I told her that I told him over text 5 minutes prior. I sat with her and caught her up then she told me he was leaving and he walked out. Then a few seconds later Aikra pointed and said “Look there he is” and I was confused because I thought perceptions were fooling me again and I said “Wait I thought he already left” to Aikra. And she said, “Yeah he came back in to say bye to you.” And he did. I turned around. He came back into the restaurant to wave bye to me and I waved back and continued telling Aikra what happened.
Aikra’s boyfriend couldn’t show because he had to watch his little brother. So we went shopping.. sorry looking at clothes because we were too broke to afford anything. Then we went back to the restaurant to eat and the two of us had our own “date.” And I brought my songbook and Aikra read my songs and it was just a nice ending to an already good day.
I was so happy. I am so happy. I told everyone how happy and free I am. Because he knows. I don’t have to assume anymore. No more overthinking. Because everything is off the table, or on the table as Lyra and I were arguing about the metaphor lol. But it’s out. I don’t have to overthink his actions. He’s cool with it, that’s so great. I’m happy, which is a blessing. Everything turned out okay, better than okay.
The truth really does set you free.