11.22.17 Ice Skating… Never Again

So why don’t we start with a positive story?

I was still kinda posting when this happened but I never wrote about it.

So this day was a half day because it was the day of Thanksgiving break. So my friends and I made a plan to go ice skating, and you know how in those high school movies there’s always that cliche hangout place that they have? Well, ours is downtown. Literally, anything is Downtown. You can’t go Downtown without seeing someone from school. All the teenagers go there to hang out. Well, Downtown has an ice skating rink. So we planned to go ice skating.

But like every teenager plan, this one wasn’t thought out completely. It was a last minute thing. So most of us were on edge whether we should go or not.

I went. One of our friends said she would go home first then come. Most of us went. Since it was a half day our lunch period was the last period of the day so we could just roam around the school. But one of our friend’s had classes during the last period so instead of getting on the bus Downtown we waited for her so she wouldn’t come on the bus alone.

When her class ended she went to the bus stop and we went to go meet up with her. So the funny thing is, she’s Phoenix’s best friend. If you don’t know who Phoenix is (click here) but I’m not friends with her because of that. She’s actually really chill and sweet. Since this was a few days after I told him I liked him, she asked me how it went. She was really sweet about the whole thing and helped me with my overthinking that day.

The bus took like 10 minutes to come. But two of my friends didn’t make it on and the bus driver was like wait for the next one. But our friend has this pact “No man left behind” so if they went out we all had to go out and wait for the next bus altogether. It’s a really sweet pact that they established before my best friend and I became part of the group.

So my friends and I just sat on the bus bench talking. We laughed a lot. I’m so blessed to have the friends that I have. I am also blessed to be short lol. This is one of the instances. Because two of my friends didn’t mind that I was putting my feet in one’s lap and resting my head on the other’s shoulder. Literally, they didn’t mind. Those are friends lol. Then another bus came after 20 minutes and it was crowded too. But we all made it on.

I didn’t plan on ice skating because I was sick and spending time outside really wasn’t the move for me. My other friend didn’t plan on ice skating either cause she was traumatized by it (her best friend cut his face with the blade once) so we went to chipotle together and our other friends decided to go to the ice skating place first. We both shared one burrito to save money lol.

After we both ate, we met our friends at the skating rink. They were lacing up their skates and told us that it would cost 14 bucks to skate. Fourteen. Well, I am like an influenced submisser (new world). If my friends persuade me enough, I will agree to literally anything. They don’t even have to do much. I honestly don’t know what even happened but it worked. I think my submissive influenced my traumatized friend to submit too.

Ok tying the laces was its’ own challenge in itself. My friend had to help me out. Our friends already started skating for 20 minutes before the both of us got there too.

Let me tell you… I knew I was gonna fall. But I didn’t know I was gonna fall the second I got on the ice.

Yes, you read that right. I fell the second I got on the ice. Sooner better than later, right? Lol blame it on my experienced skater friend, she said she got me but she did not have me.

She was the only one out of us who knew how to skate. Our other two friends were learning while holding onto the rail. I was struggling. Being on the ice is scary. It’s definitely not like roller skating. Cause… I don’t know ice is scarier. It’s already cold and the blades don’t really have a grip unless your feet are in the right position.

Dude, it’s even hard walking on the mat thing before getting on the ice. But once you get off the ice and onto the mat you realize it’s easier. But yeah I was struggling.

I was the slowest out of all my friends lol, I didn’t know how to ice skate but I got a little faster by the end.

I took a lot of breaks lol but I still had a lot of fun. Even though it felt like the 14 dollars was a scam. I paid 14 dollars for my suffering…

I think if we go ice skating another time I’ll be just like our other friend who came and just walked outside the rink with us cause she didn’t want to skate.

But yeah, the friends I made are actually friends. I have my own friend group and they’ve really been helping me. They’re the reason why this one certain thing (that story is coming soon PROMISE) isn’t getting to me because the happiness I experience with them is greater than any other happiness I was expecting out of that certain story and I’m just so grateful.

I’m grateful for all of the fake friends and bad relationships I’ve been through. Because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t know the happiness of having friends would feel like. I wouldn’t be as grateful for the happiness if I didn’t go through the darkness first.



2018: roses.

Am I posting consistently? Idk but that’s what it looks likeee.

Let’s not jinx it lol.

So today’s post was gonna be a story but before I tell the stories of what’s been going on in the past 2 months I wanted to just talk about what 2018 means to me.

It’s weird that this is going to be my starting post since the stories I have to tell you guys are mostly stories before 2018 began. But I think the mentality I have in 2018 will explain where I stand concerning the stories.

Confused yet? It’s okay I would be too.

So yesterday, when I said that when 2018 began it was like I opened a new book… I honestly wasn’t kidding. The minute 2018 began it’s like I could begin fresh. I could start over. I didn’t have to excuse the same crap I used to. I didn’t have to let fake people in anymore if I didn’t want to. I could stop talking to people who gave me anxiety.

Starting a new year was a regular cliche for me. It was as if I started being a new person.

Last year, I was obsessed with the moon. I mean I’ve always loved the moon. I started to put the little moon emoji on all of my social media accounts next to my name. The moon kind of became my icon.

But recently, I’ve been really obsessed with roses. Idk why lol.

I still love the moon- don’t get me wrong.

But as weird as this sounds, I think a rose describes the situation I’m in.

You’ll know more about that situation in probably a few days.

But for now, I’ll tell you that I had to let in this pain that I didn’t want to let in and I had to feel it and then choose to be happy.

I don’t know something about a rose… roses are just so beautiful but so deceiving at the same time.

Deceiving as in they’re pretty but they have thorns.

Like even with the thorns, the scars, it’s still beautiful. Through all the walls it might keep up, it’s still beautiful and it still grows.

Plus it might be because red is my favorite color lol.

So for 2018, I’ve been contributing my year so far to a rose.

The rose symbolizes my healing process.

It indicated that I chose to live…

that I chose happiness.

And I can make it through even when sometimes I don’t want to.

One of my favorite YouTubers has this clothing line with hoodies that have the phrase “good enough” with guess what by the words? A rose.

And on the pocket of the hoodie, it has the words “Growth begins with accepting yourself as enough.”

If that doesn’t scare you yet, he said this when posting about a re-stock of the hoodies: “Be yourself and know that that’s good enough.”

And that’s basically the mental state my mind has been in since the year started.

I want to be good enough, I want to accept myself, I don’t want to depend on someone else to tell me my worth.

I’m good enough.

That’s something I’ve been working on in 2018.


stay tuned.

Let me be honest with you guys…

I honestly don’t know where this blog is headed.

In the past, I’ve used this blog as a platform for my feelings and thoughts.

But I haven’t used it in a long time.. because I don’t really need it anymore.


Because I have friends who I can honestly vent to.

I didn’t have that in the past.

But I do now.

But this blog… I don’t want to give up on it cause it’s a piece of me.

It’s been my rock sometimes when I’ve wanted to give up.

Basically it was the one thing I held onto sophomore year.

I’m not capable of giving up on it.

But you know, life gets in the way sometimes.

But I don’t want to use the excuse of time because there are moments where I’m free and bored when I could be doing something productive like working on my music or writing a blog post *cough cough*

But you know those days when you don’t have inspiration or feel like you have nothing to say?

I’ve felt like that.

But boy, do I have a BUNCH of stories for you guys. I’ve learned so much in the past 2 months.

And one of the reasons I made this blog is to be able to look back at who I was and see how much I’ve grown.

I’ve found out who’s really there for me, how other people can have other intentions, how nothing lasts forvever, how choosing to be happy and focusing on the positive can change your life for the better.

Starting 2018 was really like opening a new book for me. I’m not letting the old bullshit get to me. I’m working on myself.

And yes, I’m not happy all the time. I still go into my depressive hole for reasons I don’t understand sometimes. But I’ve learned it’s okay when that happens. Because I might need to feel the rain first before the sunshine.

So lol where am I going with this?

I just wanna say that no, I haven’t given up on this blog and stories are coming soon that I need to type out. But no promises because nothing is sure and let’s be honest, I get distracted and lazy lol.

But we’ll see, okay?

How are you guys doing? Any stories?

If anyone wants to contact me or anything let me know, I’m more active outside my blog and I’ll love to catch up.

But yes, stay tuned!


2017 Lessons

I know, I know. I kinda keep disappearing. But I’ve been doing this post at the end of the year since I started this blog and who would I be to break tradition?

So, are you ready?

Here’s what I’ve learned this year:

  • Yes, change hurts. But in the end, it really is good for you.
    • At the beginning of this year, I remember the transition of my first semester of my junior year into the second semester was really heartbreaking. Because I made really good friends first semester that I had to say goodbye to. The worst thing was when I had the same class, same teacher, same period… but it was different because no one that I knew was there. It was like a trippy alternate dimension. The change of that was really hard to get over. But by the time second semester, I had so many good friends that I love and trust. It was heartbreaking change but in the end, it was fine.
  • Things aren’t in your control. It’s not your fault.
    • I remember I used to blame myself because of this one situation that involved my best friend. I didn’t go with her somewhere and she got hurt emotionally. I blamed myself because I didn’t go with her. But it’s not my fault. Things happen the way they do to others (ex. your family, friends, etc.) because they have lessons life is teaching them too. You aren’t God. It’s not in your hands. It’s not your fault.
  • Once you take a jump, it gets easier.
    • I BEGAN TO DRIVE ON THE ROAD AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR. And look at me now, I drove a van packed with my friends. We went on the freeway… twice. I used to be petrified of driving and now it’s better. I still get freaked here and there I’m not an A+ driver. But I don’t get too anxious anymore.
  • Friendships don’t last forever. And that’s okay. Nothing lasts forever.
    • This one, I had to learn the hard way. And the worst part is, it wasn’t only one occurrence. I lost a good amount of friendships this year. I’m still struggling with the “don’t blame yourself” part. Because I still do that. But it takes two to make a friendship (or more if we’re talking about a group friendship). If you’ve done all you could, cared so much for them and they didn’t feel the same way about you… what can you do? If it feels like you’re a weight to someone, make it easier for them. Sometimes cutting people out is for the best. If someone was holding onto your legs as you tried to fly wouldn’t you shake them off? Save the caring for someone who deserves it and will treat you better. It’s not your fault. Sometimes, the best things come back to us. And if they don’t, it’s not what was best for our lives.
  • Parents don’t do certain things to spite you.
    • I’ve understood more about parents, not only mine but others. Sometimes it seems like parents are punishing us more so than loving us and wanting us to be happy. But sometimes they just want to see us safe, they want us to achieve higher. But never doubt that your parents want you to be happy. More than anything.
  • Choose happiness.
    • This is the phrase I uttered over and over the other day when I was in one of my holes. To be honest, it was hard not being dragged into a darker tunnel but somehow that phrase made it easier. No, it’s not easy to choose happiness when your mind is involved. But happiness doesn’t take one easy step. A lifetime of difficult for a lifetime of happiness.
  • You can be wrong about someone.
    • Also learned this one the hard way. You might feel like you know a person, you might’ve even started to get to know them and think you have their mentality figured out. Then they pull the rug out from under you and leave you lost. Someone doesn’t stay the same way forever. The person who used to give you incomparable happiness can become the person who gives you the worst overthinking.
  • Don’t base your worth on numbers.
    • You are worth more than a number. If you were a number, you would be infinity. Because measly numbers can’t define your worth and the amazing person that you are.
  • God is always with me (Religious lesson)
    • I know, not everyone here is religious but this is my own personal lesson. I had to keep reminding myself that even in my lowest places, God was there to pick me up. And he wouldn’t give me life just to see me want to die.
  • Don’t let opinions make you mad.
    • Everyone has a personal opinion. They have their own beliefs, rights, etc. Don’t fight someone on theirs. Try to see it from their point of view and don’t be angry about it. We wouldn’t all be who we were if we weren’t different from each other.
  • It’s not cliché to love yourself.
    • It’s actually the best love you can have. How do you expect to love someone else if you can’t even love the person staring back at you?
  • Yes, anxiety can ruin a relationship but the other person should be able to understand.
    • If they don’t, don’t keep them in your life. It only becomes a burden trying to make them understand something that goes over their head.
  • Hurt and pain is a part of life.
    • I wouldn’t know what joy would be like without strife. I wouldn’t be humble. Yes, it’s going to hurt. But it’s going to hurt for the better.
  • Hope isn’t hopeless.
    • You can rise. Even out of your darkest moments. The rain can’t last forever.
  • YOU will always be your biggest fan.
    • No one will ever support you more than yourself. You’re your own number one fan and worst enemy. You’re the only person who knows what’s going on in your life. All your stress, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your everything. Don’t hate the one person who can and will always love you no matter what.
  • The impossible is possible.
    • I had so much anxiety over college applications and not being accepted into the colleges I want to go to. But guess what! I got accepted into all the colleges I wanted to go to. I had intense anxiety for nothing. It is possible.
  • Everything can change in a mere day.
    • So much can happen. Don’t be dragged into a cycle because the unexpected can jump out at you.
  • Emotions aren’t weak.
    • They only remind you that you’re human. And you have to remember to feel your emotions, and remember not to shut yourself out.
  • It’s not wimpy to scream.
    • If you need help, tell someone. It doesn’t show weakness, it shows strength. It shows that you want to get help and want to be taken out of the current state you’re in. People don’t always have the best time reading signs.
  • Don’t read into signs/signals.
    • Signs/signals do not come out of the person’s mouth, they come out of your mind’s presence involving the situation. Do not solely build your beliefs on signals. Sometimes a person can be fake and your mind can be wrong.
  • You can’t open up to everyone.
    • And that’s okay. The people you can open up to will be there for you.
  • Words don’t make a person, actions do.
    • Woh, I big thing I learned this year is that someone can say a ton of bullshit that means so much to you that actually has no meaning for the other person. Words are great. But they aren’t reliable, how they treat you with their actions is what’s important. Remember, people can put on such a facade when they’re texting you.
  • A setback doesn’t have to be a setback.
    • I remember one time, my friend and I were supposed to go see a school play. So we went to school Saturday night but the tickets were sold out. So instead we went to get dinner and we went to my friend’s house and watched a movie. The setback actually seemed better than our ordinary plans. Sometimes a setback can be a path for another opportunity.
  • The future isn’t scary.
    • This year alone, I applied to college(s), got my license, took the SAT, became a senior and turned 18. Growing up seems scary but it’ll be okay.
  • If someone has treated you like shit in the past, they’ll keep treating you like shit.
    • Does this need an explanation? Even if you tell them they’ve been hurting you they’ll continue to hurt you, even if it’s unintentional.
  • Don’t blame yourself for your emotions/feelings.
    • You’re only human.
  • Fighting isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
    • Fighting for your life is so hard. But think about the end result.
  • Yes, you can talk to that person
    • Whether it be your crush or an authority figure. I remember before this year I was so scared of my counselor. I never said a word to him and never visited him. But I’ve actually talked to him more than once this year and it isn’t as bad as my mind concocted. He helped me with my schedule and made sure that my doubts about the college process were dealt with.
  • Something can mean so much to you, but not to the other person.
    • And that’s okay. It only makes you who you are.
  • Don’t put others on a high pedestal if they don’t deserve to be there.
    • Save it for someone who deserves it and is worthy of it.
  • Anxiety can be worked through.
    • I took small steps to conquer my anxiety. It wasn’t anything big that was able to take it away but it was little things. They might not be life-changers but trust me, once you took a small step to conquer it, you’ll feel amazing after it’s done.
  • You can move on from moments of deep darkness.
    • You can. It won’t be easy but no one ever said it would be. It takes time to heal scars but it’s okay, you’re not alone.
  • Don’t force a relationship if your thoughts and perceptions of the person are what you have to believe in instead of the person itself.
    • If the person doesn’t show you who they really are then what’s making you stick around?Don’t stay just to be burned.
  • You don’t have to be “chill” all the time.
    • If something utterly pisses you off, let it piss you off.
  • Love is more than just blood.
    • I realized this year that family is just a title if the love isn’t really there. Love is love. It shouldn’t be because you happen to be related and share the same blood.
    • This year, I told my crush I liked him. It was the first time I did something like that. I honestly couldn’t have done it if my friends weren’t there for me. But I literally went through a year of feelings for nothing. I could’ve told him the truth sooner. It could’ve saved SO MUCH time. So trust me, if you have something to say to someone say it. People don’t really read signs all that well. Life is too damn short, yes I’m saying that cliche. But really, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll make it through.
  • You are enough and you don’t need a significant other to prove that.
    • No explanation for this one either.

That’s all! That’s probably not all the lessons I’ve learned, but those are the ones from my blog this year. And I’m gonna copyright myself from last year when I say this but: Remember that even though it might seem like 2018 can’t get here fast enough (it’s already here lol), remember the experiences that have made you different from the person you were in 2016. Yes, 2016. Ew. Remember that year? Lol. Dang, that’s 2 years now, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I do that.

Happy new year guys! Cheers to us for making it through!



you are enough. and you don’t need a signifcant other to prove that.

As a quiet, observant teenager I notice a lot of things.

I see stories, I see people, I see things no one else sees.

But there’s one specific thing I’ve seen that really bothers the hell out of me.

And that specific thing, I’ve seen in the actions of my own generation, in kids of my own age… in me.

Teenagers have built a toxic mentality when it comes to having or falling for a significant other. 

I’ve seen it in television, in my friends, and as I said before, in me.

You see, when I was falling for Phoenix I did things I’m not proud of: I put him in the forefront of my mind. 

The only texts I cared about was his.

The only smile I cared to see was his.

The only person I wanted to hug was him.

There was even a time when I used to pick my friend up after her first period last year and half of the reason why I wanted to was because he was in her class (half, I still wanted to see my friend… but that doesn’t justify my mentality).

But it’s not only me who does this.

In the past week only, I’ve seen my friends do it too.

My best friend, Luna, has liked her crush for 3 years. She’s a very closed off person and is very unemotional. So it’s hard to talk to her about things or have her talk about her feelings.

I don’t like her crush. He’s not good for her. And her mentality is truly toxic. She’s the type of person that, if she were to fall in love, she would love the guy 100%. And she would love him and not love herself, the only way she could love herself was if he loved her for herself… if that makes sense. And it pisses me off because she deserves so much more than a guy. But a guy and loving a guy is the only thing on her mind.

The only thing on our, teenagers, minds.

So I showed her something that hurt and she was unemotional about it. I asked her why she doesn’t care and she told me she’s pretty much unemotional about things… unless it involves her family or him. Him. Basically, she said she doesn’t care about anything unless it involves this guy. That made me mad.

Not only at her, but for her. Because her mentality is so focused on a guy that she doesn’t even realize the toxicity of it.

But I can’t be mad at her because I used to be her.

I mean Phoenix wasn’t the only thing that made me emotional over the past year, but whether I talked to him or not it determined my mood for the day sometimes.

And I couldn’t control it.

And another example, one of the many things Luna cares about it how fast her crush replies to her text. This week, he took 4 days to reply to a text of hers. That was pretty much one of the only things on her mind.

When she told me that (through text), I didn’t reply to her text.

Because of a text? Really? It’s only been 4 days. As long as you know he’s going to reply it’s all good. At least be thankful you know he’s going to reply.

She, again, pissed me off.

Why? Because she puts all of her efforts into pleasing this guy? Yes. But also I can see pieces of the girl I used to be in her. The pieces of a girl who was falling headfirst before thinking about herself; pieces of a girl before heartbreak, pieces of a girl who put a guy at the forefront of everything in her life.

And it scares me. Because I honestly can’t do anything for her. She knows what happened with Phoenix: all the heartbreak, overthinking, and tears. I even told her before that I don’t want her to feel the way I felt over Phoenix. But it won’t change her mentality. Because this guy is “all she has.” There’s no one falling for her. So she falls for the only person she can fall for in her life.

And I haven’t only seen this in Luna, but my other friends.

This week at lunch, one of my friends said that she wants a boyfriend. Because she wants someone to hold her, give her cute hugs and all that. Make her happy. My other friend, Hydra, agreed with her.


I don’t understand it. I mean, I do, I’ve lived through it. But why are we like this?

When my friend said she wanted hugs and happiness I thought, “Don’t we,  your friends, give that to you? Isn’t that enough?”

Isn’t it enough? Isn’t the love of friends and the love of yourself enough?

Why isn’t it enough? Why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough?

Why is it that as teenagers we always chase after someone? I know for a fact one of the reasons I wanted Phoenix so much was because I just wanted cute hugs and hand-holding. But can’t my friends give that to me?

Actually… my friends do give that to me. But the difference is, when they hug me I ACTUALLY feel safe and loved, something Phoenix has never made me feel. Because, as much as I can force myself to believe something that’s not true… at the end of the day, I can’t force him to care about me as much as I care about him.

And I’m learning to accept that.

I know. Most of my friends would yell at me for not trying harder with him because maybe if I tried a little harder he would be my boyfriend. I’m in a place with him that my friends would love to be in.

A crush who actually knows your name, your personality, and knows you for who you are.

But I don’t want more… anymore.

I don’t want to force something that isn’t there.

I’m not in a place where a boyfriend would be a good choice.

I’ve never been in a relationship. Personally, it scares me. And I don’t think jumping into one is the best choice. Especially if I am “right there.”

I want to love myself before being given the opportunity to love someone else. Because maybe if I told Phoenix sooner, we would be in a relationship and I would’ve eventually fallen in love with him. But it wouldn’t have been right, to him or me.

Because there are times when I still can’t look in a mirror and moments where I find it hard to love myself.

And that’s the problem.

Society has toxified our minds.

Making us think that the only way we can love ourselves and feel “complete” is if we had someone else, a significant other, to do it for us.

But how do you expect to love someone if you can’t even love yourself?

And what would you do with yourself if that person suddenly didn’t love you anymore? Would you suddenly not love yourself anymore? Because you weren’t enough?

What is it with us and thinking we aren’t enough?

We. Are. So. Enough. It’s. Actually. Inexplainable. How. Enough. We. Are.

Yes, having a significant other to hold and be happy with would be nice… but it shouldn’t be because we feel empty inside.

It should be because we feel whole and okay that we want to share that wholeness with someone else.

It shouldn’t be because we need to be saved.

Because that person’s purpose isn’t gonna be to save you. Only you can save yourself.

Our friends, family, ourselves… that’s enough.

Just because the person you really want to talk to isn’t talking to you doesn’t mean you should treat the actual people who love you like crap.

There are some incredible people that are here for you.

Don’t take them for granted just because that one boy or girl doesn’t like you.

We have our whole lives to live and to fall in love.

Do you really wanna think back and only remember the days that went by hoping some irrelevant crush texted you or not?



What I’ve Been Listening to this Week– Album Review (Fifth Harmony)

So I wanted to try something new on my blog: An album review!

Have you guys ever fallen in love with a whole musical album? Like every song contributes perfectly together. There are times when I just listen to an album non-stop for a whole week because it’s that good.

I’d never thought of doing this until I listened to this certain album and I definitely want to do it in the future because it’s fun to talk about the things you love with no filter.

So I’ve been listening to this album since it came out (August 25th) because if anyone knows me they know I love this band with a passion.

The album I’ve been listening to is: Fifth Harmony (self-titled album)

This album is definitely for someone who needs a boost of confidence or just needs an energy lifter. What I like about this album is that it doesn’t sound like thrown-up pop sounds. They are pop melodies but it’s mixed with urban sounds and everything is just cohesive and fits. No song is too jumpy nor is it too soft. They really have improved over the years; they maintained a sound that carries on throughout their whole album.

And they finally had creative control! They got to co-write songs and got involved in the whole process. Their songs really uplift me whenever I feel down. (So, of course, I’m not gonna say anything bad about it) If you’re in your feelings about something: feel whatever you need to feel then listen to this album and you’ll feel so much confident afterward.

Album Review: Fifth Harmony (Keep in mind it is explicit. There are two songs that are explicit: Angel and Lonely Night)

(Keep in mind it is explicit. There are two songs that are explicit: Angel and Lonely Night)


  • Down ft. Gucci Mane

(Lol, the funny thing about this is that whenever Gucci says “It’s Gucci” I thought he was saying scooch. And I keep singing it that way)

This is the first song they released after Camila left the band. This is an all-around fun song. You can just turn it on and you immediately jam to it. The vocals go together with all the beats and sounds. I really like listening to the background sounds because the beats aren’t too hard like some pop music these days. The chorus is very infectious but it’s one of those songs that are on repeat for a good reason.

It’s a love song that talks about no matter what you’re gonna love the person. And, Normani (one of the members) said that the group”kind of connect with each other because we’ve been through so much and we’ve always held each other ‘Down’.”

Favorite Lyric: Need somebody with some patience // ‘Cause you know I got a temperament // And yeah, you got a reputation // Nothin’ that a little love can’t fix

  • He Like That

This is another fun song. We all know there is no male counterpart in my life (and NO I do not need one) but I still like singing along to this song because it’s very catchy. Literally, anything that comes out of the girls’ mouths sounds like heaven to me. But their vocals really have improved and are showcased more. It’s just a fun let-loose song to dance to.

  • Sauced Up

This is another song where the vocals mix well together with the beats. Also, another let-loose song to just remind you to have fun. Who cares about the consequences? We’re young. Like this is one of those roll down the windows, jamming in the car songs.

Favorite Lyric: We can get sauced up // Forever we’re young, we’ll never get old

  • Make You Mad

This is the sass song of the century! Lol. I think as teens we care too much about people not liking us for who we are whether it be sassy or loud with a tad bit of (some might say) obnoxious. So it’s like: Oh I made you mad? So what?

With the way the song starts out, you don’t expect the chorus to drop like it does and it’s a very lovely surprise for your ears.

Favorite Lyric: I’m gonna make you miss me // I’m gonna make you go mad // I’m gonna make sure I’m the best you ever had

  • Deliver

This song definitely has Mariah Carey vibes to it. It is “THE” R&B song on the album. It just takes you back but still manages to keep you in the present. Don’t even get me started on their harmonies throughout it… so beautiful.

Plus, their music video for this is super aesthetic with the black-and-white tones… it’s pleasing to the eyes.

  • Lonely Night

Aghhhh this is one of my two favorites! It’s such a good song and so relatable at the moment. It’s one of those “feel good” anthems. Especially if you have a person you can picture singing this song too. It makes that situation 100x better.

I love the message. Because in this society, we live in a world where we excuse behaviors of the one we really like. Even if that behavior is super jerky and rude. We excuse it because we think that significant other is our one and only but in this song, the girls are singing, “If you do this, boy it’s gonna be a lonely night for you.”

I especially love the “bye bye” part lol.

Favorite Lyric: If you don’t treat ya mama right, bye-bye, bye-bye // If you got another chick on the side, bye-bye, bye-bye // You look everywhere but my eyes, bye-bye, bye-bye

  • Don’t Say You Love Me

This song. Oh my gosh, this song. I have no words. Literally. It’s so beautiful. I don’t know what else to say.

The lyrics. Oh my gosh, the lyrics are so relatable. Especially right now. It’s like they reading what’s coming from my heart and singing it in a song.

Their vocals. The emotion. The message. But my favorite part is that it’s not too soft that it messes with the whole vibe of the album, but it still manages to be so emotional and heart-tugging.

Favorite Lyric: (Literally I can’t pick a favorite. I want to put the majority of the song here. But I gotta lol) I need a little bit more // I need a little bit more // You gotta know what it’s like // I know you been here before // I’ve been waiting, I’ve been patient // But I need a little bit more

  • Angel

I love the chronological order of this album. Lol literally the song prior to this takes your heart out of its chest and puts you in your feelings and then this song reminds you “Nah they’re not worth it. They never got to know the real you.”

The message of this song is important. It’s about how everything starts out cool with someone and then as time passes on you realize they’re not worth it. They never got to know you. They only go to know the perception of you. The “Angel.” When there’s so much more to you.

The beats in this song are so catchy. I especially love the 2nd verse when Ally raps because it makes me want to sing along (as if I could rap).

It just makes your confidence go up 100 times more after the heartfelt song. Like, okay, we needed to get to the feelings and then… Nah you’re so much more than the heartbreak.

Favorite Lyric: Wasn’t tryna spend my life on the phone with ya // Gotta keep it on one hundred with ya // The original me wouldn’t fuck with ya // And I was beginning to fuck with ya

  • Messy 

The message of this song… It’s very true for most girls and boys, pretty much any person in a relationship. How no one is ever perfect when it comes to being in a relationship with something. This song is basically like: “I’m messy. That’s who I am.” It talks about how we’re not perfect but that’s okay. It’s okay to be messy.

Favorite Lyric: I’ll tell you straight how I feel with no filter // No touchin’ up what you see, there’s no filter // I can be cruel sometimes, outta my mind // Insecure and out the door // I am who I am and you won’t have to wonder

  • Bridges

This is the song the whole world needs to hear. It’s about Trump’s walls and how we should build “bridges and not walls.” This is the perfect way to end the album. I’m so happy they got to be able to write and talk about this. The song is so beautiful and when you hear it you feel so motivated and it touches your soul. The first time I heard this, I cried because it was so powerful and uplifting. Especially at a time like this.

Favorite Lyric: I believe in the beauty of love (hey) // I believe that we really are one // I believe every woman is a fighter // And I believe every man can stand beside her // And I know the world can be cold

We can’t let it divide us // There’s something inside us, a power that grows // There’s something beautiful in the flaws in all we are 

This album has really lifted me up when I felt down. I love Fifth Harmony so much because they give me confidence but they also ALWAYS seem to write songs that perfectly describe my feelings then they have the girl-empowerment songs and that’s been the material of their albums. That’s what I admire about them. They never fail to make me feel like I can do anything and be anything.



Quotes from My Social Media When I Was a Preteen: DEEP EDITION


Lol, really?

Because I went through all my past tweets and wow… Lol, a majority of what I tweeted about was homework being boring and school seemingly never-ending. To be honest, this young girl did not know stress even though she was complaining 24/7.

So, I’ve been doing this thing where I gather all my quotes and put it in a journal because I want it to all be in one place. I did this for all my poems on Tumblr and now I did it for my Twitter.

But guys… I did not expect all my tweets to be so cringe-worthy, funny, etc. I literally had those two emotions the most reading through all of them like “I said that?”

But Young Rebecca was as deep in her feelings almost as much as this Rebecca. Why? I don’t know… fanfiction maybe? I watched A LOT of rom-coms as a kid.

But I also was… psh was, I still am, not to be egotistical ya know lol. But I was funny as a kid like I am now *attempts hair-flip* But the funny tweets I have saved for another day because this is… *drum-roll*


Lol, most of these originate as early as 2012. Buckle in because most of these, I don’t even know what I was going through to be tweeting something like this as a kid but here we gooo… (I might add little comments in between)

ITALICIZED AND BOLD: Young Tweeter Rebecca

NORMAL TEXT: Present Rebecca (Wow, I don’t get any special fonts or such? … sorry it would be confusing. Am I arguing with myself? …Possibly… Because it relates to the rest of this post like how I’m talking to my younger self, ya see how I fit that in? Just get on with the post bruh… ok lol)

  • “i guess people don’t look on the inside. they’re too focused on the outside to care.”
    • I knew this was a good tweet because one of the “popular kids” who used to follow me (who rudely unfollowed me) retweeted this and I got excited. It’s kinda sad what excited me back then but I really like the quote. It deserves snaps like after a poem… ok I’ll stop.
  • “i do hate you but i don’t want to let go of you.”
    • The funny thing is, I honestly have no idea who this is about. The date of this tweet was before my 1st major crush soooo… really have no idea lol.
  • “am i talking to you, or a stranger? do I still know you? or have we forgotten each other? did i really know the real you? we’ve drifted apart?”
    • It’s coincidental how relatable this is at the moment.
  • “when it seems like it’s not reality, i wake up from the dream of life and fantasy.”
    • I really don’t though lol
  • “if you couldn’t care less, then why are you thinking about it now?”
    • Damn. Is Young Rebecca coming for my life?
  • “if it feels like your world is crumbling and nobody loves you, God loves you no matter what”
    • Too true though. My faith strong since the young days.
  • “there isn’t a time when i don’t think of memories.”
  • “i was saying you should come back now i’m singing “you shouldn’t come back” 
    • Anyone know the Demi Lovato song, “Shouldn’t Come Back?”
  • “there can be more than one side of a person.”
    • DON’T I KNOW
  • “how do you figure something out if you don’t know where to start?”
  • “closing your eyes won’t make the problem go away.”
  • “i miss the person that you used to be.”
  • “please stop changing.”
    • This was when I was in my “I hate change” phase
  • “the moon will follow us home.”
    • The start of my love and obsession for the moon. Basically it’s where our love story began lol
  • i would’ve smiled at your face but that would’ve been too much for me to take.”
  • “it’s like the past is repeating itself.”
    • It is though. This is why I need to read and re-read these.
  • “you knew what you were getting yourself into.”
    • Yeah… I did. It’s like Young Me is scolding present me
  • “i’ve literally made it so obvious… you might as well be oblivious.”
    • *cough* Phoenix *cough* but really how oblivious that boy is… I can’t
  • “i don’t want to get lost in the dark.”
  • “i’d wait all day just for a moment.”
    • It’s sad how true this still is
  • “i wish i could go back in the past and whisper, “wrong person.”
    • yes, Yes, YES
  • “just when i was starting to get to know you, you leave.”
  • “you never know what you can find when you start exploring your options.”
  • “we would remember that day like it was yesterday.”
  • “secrets are dangerous. telling the wrong person will lead to disaster and it’ll kill you inside.”
  • “i don’t want a stupid coincidence haunting me forever.”
    • Hi Overthinking, how are you doing today?
  • “i miss you too but you’re not what i want anymore.”
  • “at this point can you just tell me if you like me or not? Please, it’s killing me.”
    • Relatable, at this very moment
  • “if only i was that piece of special for you but i never was and i have to accept that.”
    • ERGHhghhhhh this makes me cringe. Because I wrote this unsent letter to my very first MAJOR crush and burned it. My friend told me to write it because it helped her because she wanted to get over someone too. And so I put like lines from the letter on my twitter because he followed me on twitter and I hoped he would see it eraskldfsjdls I still cringe. The next two are quotes from that letter too. I was in deep. I didn’t even have one real conversation with this guy. But can you blame me? It was middle school lol
  • “we never said goodbye but we didn’t have to because we felt it.”
  • “there will always be a vacant space in my heart for you.”
  • “there’s a star out there destined for you and your wishes.”
  • “what about a person who lies about their lying?”
  • “someday those eyes that i fell for are gonna be the eyes that i envy.”
  • “i wish i was stronger. Mentally, not physically.
    • This was during the time I actually realized that strength was more than just muscles. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.
  • “it’s hard to believe that certain things are real sometimes.”
  • “do you remember me? or am i just a faint memory?”
  • “there are people you thought would never hurt you. yet, that’s all they do nowadays.”
  • “you never really had to go… you just didn’t want to stay.”
  • “i finally figured out that every compliment you give me comes with an insult.”
  • “when i’m away from the harbor, i need an anchor.”
  • “hearing you insult someone else makes me wonder what you say behind my back.”
    • This tea tastes really good
  • “you used past tense. meaning we aren’t anymore. not like we were anything.” 
  • “everyone has the path that they’re walking on. i’m still trying to figure out which way to go and where mine leads.”
    • Still haven’t figured it out
  • “i’m done telling this story. i want a new story to tell.”
  • “people left. i had to change, it was the only way that i could move on.”
    • And now I accept change. It’s cute how I can see my development lol
  • “i didn’t come all this way for nothing.”
    • No you didn’t 🙂
  • “the only thing i’m holding onto right now is hope.”
    • I remember I tweeted this the night I realized I was only still alive because of hope and I should keep holding onto it.
  • “i look at my past as a journey of the person i’m becoming.”
    • And sometimes a journey of my cringe developing but mostly the first one
  • “i would rather regret something i did do, than something i didn’t do.”
  • “the camera can never capture the true beauty that you see through your eyes.”
  • “the one person you don’t want to see is suddenly the only person you ever see.”
  • “treading shallow water is too easy. the big waves are your competition.”
  • “let it rain for a while, i’m getting a rainbow afterward.”
  • “it doesn’t feel real. whenever things change, it doesn’t seem real.”
  • “the funny thing is, no matter what you do or have done to my heart it’ll always find a way to forgive you and your bs.”
    • Hey look, this Rebecca is more recent lol
  • “why did you have to bring the rain?”
  • “i should’ve just let you focus.”

Lol, I honestly thought I would cringe more but it was more like Younger Rebecca was giving me a lesson and coming for my life. Now I’m picturing a young me at a classroom blackboard with a pointer stick while present me sits in a chair listening (and a bit scared)… my imagination is… But there ya go! There’s deep young Rebecca for ya! I hope you learned something from her because I sure did. This post was really fun to write, be sure to look out for the FUNNY edition of this blog post which is coming soon (she says hopefully)