Have you ever wanted something you didn’t want?
Ever thought you needed something but it isn’t at all what you needed?
Has it ever felt like you’ve been on both sides of a spectrum and you don’t even know yourself what you want and need?
I want to do this… but then again I don’t because it’s not going to help my situation.
I want this person to be like this but I don’t want them to be like this.
I want life to turn out this way but again I don’t want it that way.
If I’m being honest…
I am an indecisive mess.
I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what’s going to make my life happy and better.
Or who is going to do that for me.
But isn’t it a great feeling knowing you don’t have to worry about what’s right or wrong?
What you need and what you don’t?
Because ultimately, I know that I’m not in charge of my life… and it’s comforting knowing that I don’t have to be.
God has me.
He knows what He’s doing.
He knows it all.
He knows what’s going to become of me… of my life.
Who needs to stay in my life… and who needs to leave.
I shouldn’t be overthinking or even sad if someone leaves or if there’s some sort of setback because…
have you heard of that one quote?
“When God closes a door, he opens a window.”
And even if you’re not religious… if you don’t believe in God,
You should know…
This life is bigger than you.
You’re not in charge of it and you don’t have to be.
Never make yourself feel bad for the things you cannot control.
No one is asking you to carry the weight on your shoulders.
Let go of trying to figure everything out at the moment.
Maybe you can’t comprehend everything that’s going to happen… You. Don’t. Have. To.
And I know, it’s hard.
This is coming from a girl with Anxiety.
But each day, I’m trying my best to let go of my worries and to just breathe.
Because worrying about all these outcomes honestly, won’t help me or make me feel better.
It just makes everything worse.
I’m not in charge. I don’t have to figure everything out now. I don’t know everything. I still have lots to learn. I don’t need to give up, that’s not my only option. There’s still so much ahead of me.
You should just remember all of that the next time you worry about being on opposite sides of the spectrum; wanting something and not wanting it at the same time, needing something and being unsure whether you need it. Or whenever you’re unsure if someone is meant to stay in your life or not.
Just breathe and let things unfold the way they are meant to unfold.
Life isn’t meant for you to have everything figure out now. Life is for you to learn. Learning doesn’t mean you’re in charge… far from it.
Don’t let your darkness convince you that you need to have everything figured out. You don’t.
It’s okay to be indecisive and unsure. It only makes us human.
You don’t know who’s going to win a game and how if you’ve only rolled the dice one time.