Have you ever seen those tweets where it says “The best kind of friendships are the ones where you could be gone for a year or not talk to each other for a long time and things will still be good between the both of you?”
(This is a summarization of those tweets, I forgot what it said word-by-word.
Is it weird that I wouldn’t be able to do this?
Maybe you’ll tell me I don’t know the feeling yet cause I just got out of high school and into college so my friends haven’t started their individual lives yet.
But my anxiety makes it so that anyone who stops talking to me doesn’t want to associate themselves with me anymore.
Does that make me petty?
Does my anxiety make it so that the tweet above can’t be something I can ever do?
I mean maybe I could. I might be able to trust it with my two childhood friends but one always makes sure to update me and the other, I see all the time.
So I’m not sure I could ever do what’s said above.
Does that make me any less human?
Is it something I have to accept?
Should I apologize for needing consistency?
Okay, I’m not talking about day-to-day updates… that’s too much for a person to uphold.
But at least a check in once in a while making sure the other person is okay.
That’s understandable, right?
Maybe my anxiety is to blame.
If there is a blame.
It’s just, I overthink too much, a doubt in my head is the last thing I want.
At least someone I know will be there at the end of the day if I ever need anything.
Someone I could tell all my fears to and they won’t judge me.
Someone who doesn’t “ghost” themselves for unknown reasons.
Like I understand busy.
I’ve been busy.
I am busy.
But too busy to check in?
And then to have months and months to pass by and still hear nothing?
I wouldn’t be able to vibe with that, I’m sorry.
I would need more.
And that’s just who I am.