weight.

Was I a weight?

On your shoulder?

On your soul?

Was I dispensable?

Was it nice when it ended?

Now you don’t have to put in any more effort.

Was I a burden?

You had to carry my insecurities and my secrets like a pack mule, now it doesn’t matter anymore.

Now that it’s done.

Was I easy?

Someone that could be easily fooled and played.

Target practice.

Was I nothing?

Just a useless pawn who, according to you, is devoid of any feelings.

Who apparently holds all the blame for everything.

Was I a back-up?

Just something that could be saved for later.

You have me in case it didn’t work out with someone else.

Was I naive?

Even through all my doubts, I believed all your lies.

I was falling faster than gravity would ever allow.

Was I the village idiot?

For believing that everything coming out of your mouth was the truth.

I played your games, unbeknownst to me that they were actually games.

Was I replaceable?

Once I’m gone nothing will change with you.

Because I was nothing to you in the first place.

 

Was I too broken?

Maybe you had to get out before you got too deep.

It was too much for you.

Was I wrong?

About everything?

For believing in a dumb reality and breaking down my walls.

Am I a weight?

no.

I am not a weight.

I am not dispensable.

I am not a burden.

I am not easy.

I am anything but nothing.

I am not back-up.

I am not naive.

I am not the village idiot.

I am not replaceable.

I am not too broken.

And I was not wrong. Nor will I ever be wrong.

I won’t let you do that to me anymore. I won’t let you lure me into thinking that this is all my fault. It’s not my fault.

I won’t let you control me anymore.

I am not a weight anymore.

You won’t be my weight anymore.

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all it takes is a day for things to happen.

I met you again on a Monday.

It was a weird day for me.

It was confirmed that we had four classes together that semester on a Tuesday.

Purely coincidental, right?

I realized that I started harboring feelings for you on a Saturday.

Was it only because I wanted to get over someone?

You remembered me on a Friday.

It was weird for us to be talking again for the first time in 2 years.

You smiled at me for the first time on a Friday.

We had Spanish presentations that day.

You said “Hello” to me on a Friday.

And that’s the moment I knew I was in for a long ride.

I saw you with your girlfriend outside the door of our first period class on a Tuesday.

And my heart broke in a way I didn’t ever want to feel again (but still keep feeling).

I told my other best friend that I like you on a Sunday.

I guess that’s when it became real.

I had to sit next to you in class on a Thursday.

Because the seat next to my best friend was taken.

I gave you the binder that you left in class on a Thursday.

But I never told you it was me.

I liked having a conversation with you on a Thursday.

It was awkward for me at first but you were still the same nice person from freshman year.

You moved to the right in the front of the room for me so that I could be able to stand next to you and see (because I’m short) on a Friday.

And I still don’t know what made you do that.

I realized you started bringing me happiness on a Tuesday.

And I vented to my best friend about how you would never break up with your girlfriend and it was hopeless.

You told me not to give up on a project on a Thursday.

So I didn’t.

I realized I couldn’t do anything about my feelings on a Tuesday.

Your smile and the way you looked at me didn’t help.

I found out that you broke up with your girlfriend on a Wednesday.

It was hard to believe, I didn’t think it would actually happen.

My friend told me to get your number on a Saturday.

And I thought how would that ever happen.

You accidentally bumped into me on a Thursday.

And it was hilarious because you felt so bad and thought you had crushed me.

I figured out our friendship was platonic on a Thursday.

And it hurt me.

I realized I didn’t want to lose your friendship on a Friday.

So I held on, even with my feelings, because of who you were.

Our Spanish teacher assigned your seat right in front of me on a Friday.

And I knew life was laughing at me somewhere.

You smiled at me for the hundredth (I didn’t actually count) time on a Thursday.

That’s when I realized that could be the one thing that could kill me.

Your ex-girlfriend got yelled at by her friends for not wearing her jacket on a Thursday.

She didn’t have it because you had it and my heart broke for the ______ time.

I listened to sad music and created a playlist on Spotify on a Thursday.

Because it hurt so damn much.

I had to avoid you and be abrupt with your questions in Photography class on a Friday.

But I had to ask you for help in that class and you cared.

We had a full conversation in class on a Friday.

It helped but I was very confused.

I got your snapchat on a Friday.

But only because my best friend wanted the pictures of the Spanish packet that you discreetly took on your phone.

I messaged you first on a Saturday.

That’s when our first text conversation began.

You made fun of how I almost fell off the hill on a Friday.

And I wanted to make you fall.

You stopped our conversation and left my side to go talk to her on a Friday.

Of course, why would you keep talking to me?

You asked me if I had depression on a Wednesday.

I told you the truth about my anxiety and knew that this wouldn’t be an easy crush.

I opened up about my anxiety to you on a Saturday.

And it was weird for me.

You told me you were interested in who I was on a Sunday.

And if my anxiety was convincing me that I was bothering you- you wouldn’t be doing your job as a good friend.

I found out we had no classes together in second semester on a Monday.

I felt my heart drop and questioned life’s intentions.

I told you that I was upset about it on a Monday.

I can’t believe I was that comfortable with you to tell you that.

You told me you would never forget me and that we would still message each other on a Tuesday.

It made me feel better.

You got yelled at by her to hurry up on a Wednesday.

And one of my classmates/friends asked me if you were back together with her.

You sat next to me in class on a Thursday.

Because that would be our last class that we had together, but the 45 minutes went by too fast.

My best friend told you that I could sing on a Friday.

And you said you were gonna hear me sing one day or another.

The new semester began on a Monday.

It broke my heart not to see you every day in my classes.

I missed you especially in Spanish class on a Monday.

Because you made that class bearable.

I saw you on the staircase with your new haircut on a Tuesday.

And I yelled at you for not responding to my message.

I saw you walking with her on a Tuesday.

And I knew, for a fact, that you would never miss me as much as I miss you.

I asked you how you would feel if our friendship ended on a Thursday.

And you told me you would be sad, real sad.

I thought my anxiety messed up our friendship on a Monday.

Because I was overthinking the fact that you didn’t talk to me for a week because your messaging wasn’t working.

I realized that I was scared on a Monday.

I was scared to lose you.

I told one of my friends who’s also your friend that I liked you on a Monday.

And she told me that you never got back together with her, you were just best friends with her.

I thought you weren’t trying anymore in our friendship on a Friday.

Did you even want to hang out and see me?

I turned around to talk to my friend just so you wouldn’t talk to me on a Friday.

Because I needed to protect my heart.

You told me you had your college life planned out already on a Sunday.

And I was jealous because I didn’t even know where I would want to go to college.

You hugged me on a Monday.

And my heart wouldn’t stop palpitating for 10 minutes.

You told me my sarcasm makes you laugh on a Thursday.

I really was growing comfortable with you.

You told me that we should go to Ethiopia and India on a Monday.

But it was just for the conversation, right?

You told me we should text shorter to each other on a Friday.

So that we would be able to have time to talk more.

You told me you wanted to watch the school play with me on a Thursday.

But we both had conflicting schedules and I told you that there would be other opportunities for us to hang out.

I gave you a nickname on a Saturday.

And you were already finding ideas for mine.

I told you that fake people don’t know the real me and think I’m quiet on a Saturday.

You told me that must mean I’m comfortable with you and we’re comfortable with each other.

You gave me a nickname on Sunday.

And we figured out that we had a lot in common, like finding puns hilarious.

You told me that instead of planning to go to the play we should’ve gone to see a beautiful sunset on a Monday.

I told you I want to escape from the city and see the stars and you agreed that that should be our goal for the semester/summer.

You gave me candy on a Monday.

I have horrible eye-to-hand coordination so you had to throw it into the hoodie of my jacket.

I saw you on the staircase and you stopped me from going to lunch to have a short conversation on a Monday.

You asked me if I wanted to hang out with you over spring break, making you late to class.

You told me that whenever we see each other briefly at school and have our little talks away from texting it makes your day on a Monday.

You really aren’t helping me.

You told me you felt bad because you went to Chipotle and couldn’t buy me anything because you didn’t have enough cash on a Monday.

Did you really think of me or were you just saying that?

I told you I had a crappy day and you told me that you hope my smile is saved for Tuesday.

In a platonic way, right?

You told me you drove illegally to Chipotle on a Wednesday.

You’re such a bad influence and I thought I had to make sure to give you a bit of my good influence.

You told me you were sad that you didn’t see me on the last day of school before spring break on a Friday.

You claimed that you would pick me up and I told you I was not looking forward to being thrown like a football.

I replied to you shortly while I was in my dark hole on a Monday.

I had a little hope that you would ask me what’s wrong but thought it was just another one of my mind’s impossible realities.

You asked me what’s wrong on a Monday.

I dropped my phone; you weren’t actually supposed to make my mind’s fantasies to come true.

You told me you had to make sure that I knew that you cared on a Wednesday.

And that you would be there when I was ready to open up to you. Liar.

I messaged you my childhood pictures because you wanted to see them on a Thursday.

You thought I was so cute and I asked for your childhood pictures too.

I went into my dark hole again and I opened up to you on a Friday.

My mistake for actually thinking that you would be there and you actually cared.

You read my message without a reply on a Saturday.

And I ruined myself waiting for you to reply because I was vulnerable.

You sent me a message the night before school on a Monday.

I didn’t open it because I was a pissed you left me hanging for two days.

I opened your message on a Wednesday.

And it had nothing to do with me opening up to you.

I told people I could trust how you responded to me opening up to you on a Thursday.

And they told me I deserve better and to move on.

I blamed myself for the whole thing on a Friday.

Because if I didn’t open up to you we would still be talking like we normally do.

I asked my friend if I should be upfront with you about the whole thing on a Saturday.

She told me not to bring it up and to just start a new conversation, so I did.

I started a new conversation on a Saturday.

And I wonder if I didn’t start a new conversation, would you have even cared? Did it even phase you that we hadn’t talked for 3 days?

My friend told me that if you hurt me again she would fight you on a Saturday.

I trusted that you wouldn’t because I knew who you were. I was wrong. I don’t know who you are anymore.

We had a conversation on a Sunday.

But it felt weird, you weren’t responding like you used to.

I opened a message of yours on a Monday.

And you put no effort into replying to what I had to say. Your paragraphs turned into uninterested short sentences.

I cried because of you on a Monday.

Because did I ruin us? Or was I fool for thinking that you actually cared about me?

You opened my message on a Monday.

And you didn’t reply, nothing new.

You replied to me on a Wednesday.

It took you two days to give me your two-second, half-assed reply.

My friends saw you with her on a Wednesday.

I thought why am I even trying anymore when you don’t care.

I saw you on a Thursday.

But how could you expect me to look directly into your eyes? I couldn’t. I had to leave fast.

I overthink about you every day.

Nothing has or will ever change that.

It’s funny how so much can happen in a mere day.

How a friendship can be made.

How feelings can be developed.

But also, how everything can come crashing down.

I’m writing this about the two of us on a Saturday.

Is it the end of us? Was there ever an us?

«Music Saturday»

Rockabye by Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie 

Runnin’ Home to You by Grant Gustin 

No Promises by Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato

If This is Love by Ruth B

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Please Don’t Hurt Me

Please don’t hurt me.

Just like everyone else does.

Please don’t hurt me.

Don’t say you care when you could care less.

Please don’t hurt me.

I have a heart with too many band-aids.

Please don’t hurt me.

I already submitted and I can’t go back.

Please don’t hurt me.

I’ve been hurt too many times before.

Please don’t hurt me.

Talking about you brings a smile to my face.

Please don’t hurt me.

It took me a while to trust you.

Please don’t hurt me.

I finally feel ok.

Please don’t hurt me.

I want to keep the conversation going.

Please don’t hurt me.

You make me happy.

Please don’t hurt me.

Don’t tell me any lies.

Please don’t hurt me.

I want to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Please don’t hurt me.

I can take it from everyone else but not from you.

Please don’t hurt me.

I don’t want to cry.

Please don’t hurt me.

It took me a long time for you to break down my walls.

Please don’t hurt me.

It’s too late to build those walls back up… and I don’t think I would want to.

Please don’t hurt me.

Prove everyone else wrong.

Please don’t hurt me.

I gave you my heart through many regrets.

Please don’t hurt me.

I couldn’t take it if you did.

Even if you don’t feel the same,

Please don’t hurt me.

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Who Do I Call?

When your car breaks down you can call an auto repair man.

When you feel sick you can call the doctor.

When you’re having homework problems you can call your teacher over for help.

When you want a laugh you can call your best friend.

When you feel like you’re in a dangerous situation you can call the police.

When you’re hungry you can call and order a pizza.

When your library book is almost overdue you can call the library to ask them to renew it.

When school lets out early you can call your parents to come pick you up.

When your pet is sick you can call the vet.

When you want a new hair-do you can call your barber.

When you’re ready to order you can call over the waiter.

When checking if your medication is ready you can call the pharmacy.

When you’re not sure if a store is open you can call and make sure.

When you want to plan a special evening you can call a restaurant and make a reservation.

When your body feels out of place you can call for a massage.

When your teeth are aching you can call the dentist.

When you have a big event and want memories you can call a photographer.

When you’re sick at home you can call the school to tell them.

When your arm is broken you can call the hospital.

So,

Who do you call when you have a broken heart?

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one person

It’s funny how much power one person can have over you.

One person changed the perception of my day.

One person popped my bubble.

One person made me wonder.

One person made me go from tired to happy.

One person destroyed all my doubts.

One person made me feel safe

One person made me feel worthy.

One person made me laugh til my face hurts.

One person who can’t judge me.

One person who wants to get to know me.

One person who trusts me enough to tell me about them self.

One person who turned my day upside down.

And all it took was one person.

To make this “OK” day Good.

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smile

It’s funny how something so small could kill me.

Something so unbelievably amazing could tear me to pieces.

Just thinking about it makes me want to burst into little happy shards.

Whenever I think of it, it makes me get that butterfly feeling again.

My heart starts palpitating, I’m even smiling writing this post.

You must have magic powers to make me over analyze a smile.

There are so many things happening in a day and all I can think of is that.

The thing that you did, it was small but burned into my brain.

And how when you did it, I did it too. I didn’t even have to think about it, it just happened.

When it did, it made my crappy day better.

It might seem minor to some, but to me it was major.

As soon as you saw me you did the little thing, and you don’t realize how much I appreciate that.

I made you do that?

Thank you for doing that.

It’s something I can’t seem to forget, not even now.

I love the way you smile.

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