This was what I was afraid of.
Being in this position.
Telling you how I felt and neither one of us able to fix it.
Feeling like there’s an incoming end to our story.
Unsure if we can go back to who we once were.
I know people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever.
But I don’t want to lose you this soon.
It’s not time to let go.
But I’m at two sides of the spectrum.
You make it hard for me to hold on when the rope you have me on is being pushed further and further away from you.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know if time will heal any wounds.
I don’t know if you’re going to change.
And all this uncertainty is the last thing I want to make you aware of.
Because you’ll give me the promise of empty words.
And I need more.
And maybe I ruined us
or maybe we were destined to be ruined.
Maybe this will make us stronger.
Or pull us farther than we ever want to be from each other.
Why is it so hard for two people who know they care about each other to work things out?
I pray to God hoping for a solution.
But it all seems impossible.
Because I don’t know where this will lead.
I don’t want to lose you.
But I don’t want to keep getting hurt either.
And it’s like this a cruel game of chance.
Who do I care about more, you or myself?
Would I rather pretend I’m not getting hurt for the sake of our friendship?
Or do I tell you, risking everything, not knowing where we end up from here on out?
Will things return to how they used to be after a few weeks?
Will you be able to catch me up on the things I’ve already been missing out on for the past three months?
Or will I always picture myself running after you when you’re already miles away?
Running after a bad connection.
Risking my heart.
Deceiving myself that I can handle so much.
And my friend was right when she said the chance of losing a friendship is worse than any heartbreak over a guy.
Is space enough?