I never really invested into this holiday as much as I do in Christmas or Thanksgiving.
Because I always felt like “I should have someone to complete me” on this day.
How old was I when I conjured up this meaning of Valentine’s Day?
When Valentine’s Day just meant having someone else.
Why don’t they teach us that Valentine’s Day just means love? Why do they make it seem like we need someone?
They made it feel like Valentine’s Day meant having someone or being forever lonely.
I had these thoughts so young, before I even knew what “Having someone to complete me” meant.
Why did I, before I was even a teenager, have these thoughts?
When I was in 5th grade, I saw kids my age with boyfriends and girlfriends and I just thought I had to have one. Why?
Why did I think someone would complete me?
I see middle schoolers with boyfriends and girlfriends and sometimes I think I’m missing something.
But I’m not missing anything.
I know what I’m doing.
I know I have to focus on myself and not on having anyone else.
I’m not saying that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is bad, it’s just not for me. Right now at least. I mean I’m 16. That’s young for me.
Some people had someone when they were in preschool, did they even know what was going on?
I had a crush on a guy in 8th grade. I still have a crush on the same guy because my heart can’t let go. I thought I needed him to complete me, but I didn’t.
I didn’t even know who I was back then. And that scares me.
I didn’t think of life this intensely as I did back then.
If I had the chance to go back and maybe tell him that I like him I probably wouldn’t
Because that would be easy. And I wouldn’t have grown from heartbreak. I wouldn’t have realized that I don’t need someone else to be complete, I need me.
So this Valentine’s Day, my Valentine is the girl staring back at me in the mirror.
Yep my Valentine is me.
A few years ago that would’ve sounded so lame to me. Today, if I said that to my friends it would sound lame to them.
But it’s not lame to me.
To be able to say that I am my own Valentine comes a long way.
Most days I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror.
So to be able to say “I love you” to myself is a huge step that I am proud of.
Happy Valentine’s Day! If you have someone today, or if you don’t, I hope you love yourself today. Because Valentine’s Day to me is just love. So be with your family, your friends, and yourself. And have an awesome day!