Am I posting consistently? Idk but that’s what it looks likeee.
Let’s not jinx it lol.
So today’s post was gonna be a story but before I tell the stories of what’s been going on in the past 2 months I wanted to just talk about what 2018 means to me.
It’s weird that this is going to be my starting post since the stories I have to tell you guys are mostly stories before 2018 began. But I think the mentality I have in 2018 will explain where I stand concerning the stories.
Confused yet? It’s okay I would be too.
So yesterday, when I said that when 2018 began it was like I opened a new book… I honestly wasn’t kidding. The minute 2018 began it’s like I could begin fresh. I could start over. I didn’t have to excuse the same crap I used to. I didn’t have to let fake people in anymore if I didn’t want to. I could stop talking to people who gave me anxiety.
Starting a new year was a regular cliche for me. It was as if I started being a new person.
Last year, I was obsessed with the moon. I mean I’ve always loved the moon. I started to put the little moon emoji on all of my social media accounts next to my name. The moon kind of became my icon.
But recently, I’ve been really obsessed with roses. Idk why lol.
I still love the moon- don’t get me wrong.
But as weird as this sounds, I think a rose describes the situation I’m in.
You’ll know more about that situation in probably a few days.
But for now, I’ll tell you that I had to let in this pain that I didn’t want to let in and I had to feel it and then choose to be happy.
I don’t know something about a rose… roses are just so beautiful but so deceiving at the same time.
Deceiving as in they’re pretty but they have thorns.
Like even with the thorns, the scars, it’s still beautiful. Through all the walls it might keep up, it’s still beautiful and it still grows.
Plus it might be because red is my favorite color lol.
So for 2018, I’ve been contributing my year so far to a rose.
The rose symbolizes my healing process.
It indicated that I chose to live…
that I chose happiness.
And I can make it through even when sometimes I don’t want to.
One of my favorite YouTubers has this clothing line with hoodies that have the phrase “good enough” with guess what by the words? A rose.
And on the pocket of the hoodie, it has the words “Growth begins with accepting yourself as enough.”
If that doesn’t scare you yet, he said this when posting about a re-stock of the hoodies: “Be yourself and know that that’s good enough.”
And that’s basically the mental state my mind has been in since the year started.
I want to be good enough, I want to accept myself, I don’t want to depend on someone else to tell me my worth.
I’m good enough.
That’s something I’ve been working on in 2018.